


A chatroom fic with the bad guys too (some of them)

by CoralFlowerBad (CoralFlower)



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/F, Fluff, Humor, Implied/Referenced Suicide attempt, M/M, a mix of everything sort of like life, another chat room thing, deep subject matter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-17
Updated: 2017-06-23
Packaged: 2018-08-22 22:48:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 18,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8304173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoralFlower/pseuds/CoralFlowerBad
Summary: ~~~ A-dot-Ham added xXAaron-BurrXx, johnny-turtlx, Angelic4233, schuylerElizabeth, peggywithachance, TJmaximum, JimmyJemmyJames, imsohotiburntdownhell, thats-so-lancelot, eacker77777, PIMPkin-spice, measureTHISinseam, and my-name-is-samuel-seabu to Health 402 with Mr. Darch ~~~ The crew creates a group chat for their mandatory health class, which means that even the people they don't like are in it. Contains shenanigans. Alex: OBJECTION HOW IS JEFFERSON SO FAST AT MAKING FURRY PUNS





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter doesn't have everyone yet. I'm working on it. I have no clue what the ages of the Schuyler sisters were in real life, but since a college required health class would hypothetically have students of all different grades in it I'm just going to say they are close enough in age to be going to college at the same time. 
> 
> This AU probably won't contain Philip Hamilton or Theo Jr.
> 
> Mind the rating.

~~~ A-dot-Ham added xXAaron-BurrXx, johnny-turtlx, Angelic4233, schuylerElizabeth, peggywithachance, TJmaximum, JimmyJemmyJames, imsohotiburntdownhell, thats-so-lancelot, eacker77777, PIMPkin-spice, measureTHISinseam, and my-name-is-samuel-seabu to Health 402 with Mr. Darch ~~~

~~~ measureTHISinseam has changed their chat moniker to Hercules ~~~

Hercules: nice okay

JimmyJemmyJames: who is imsohotiburntdownhell

imsohotiburntdownhell: wouldnt you just love to know madison

~~~ johnny-turtlx has changed their chat moniker to John L ~~~

~~~ Angelic4233 has changed their chat moniker to Angelica ~~

Angelica: im more interested in knowing who the pumpkin spice one is

~~~ schuylerElizabeth has changed their chat moniker to Eliza ~~~ 

~~~ xXAaron-BurrXx has changed their chat moniker to A.Burr ~~~

~~~ TJmaximum has changed their chat moniker to TJ ~~~

TJ: seabury why doesnt your username contain the entirety of your surname

my-name-is-samuel-seabu: i didnt notice when i went over the character limit

A-dot-Ham: okay guys settle down get your names figured out also what was the homework

TJ: lmfao thats hilarious

~~~ my-name-is-samuel-seabu has changed their chat moniker to Sam ~~~

John L: page 3 of that one packet

Eliza: page 3 and 4 i think

Sam: fuck off

A-dot-Ham: wait which packet the one with the dick on the front or the one titled 'The Miraculous Musculature of the Human Body'

Angelica: the muscle one and its just page 3

~~~ PIMPkin-spice has changed their chat moniker to GeorgeIII ~~~

GeorgeIII: like okay but like why do they even make us take this class anyway? its totally just like, bullshit

Sam: its part of the government conspiracy to make everyone liberal

eacker77777: ^^^^^^^^this

Eliza: ew

Hercules: what

TJ: tru tho

A-dot-Ham: shut the fuck up??? government has no say over college courses

A.Burr: arent we here to talk about the homework not to have political disputes? save it for the United States Government and Politics chat

Angelica: burr is right

A.Burr: oh?

Angelica: for once

A-dot-Ham: who gives a shit about pectoraaaaaaaaaaaals

John L: lmao same (but youve got nice pecs bro)

A-dot-Ham: (thanks bro so do you bro)

John L: (!!!)

Sam: :/ stop this?

thats-so-lancelot: my pecs are better

A-dot-Ham: tru laf

John L: cant argue there ;D

Hercules: okay but we all know who has the biggest dick

thats-so-lancelot: ayyy ;)

Eliza: god strike me down

Sam: stop?????

A-dot-Ham: whats up sam are you uncomfortable with the fact that im so blatantly bisexual

A.Burr: what is a pepe?

peggywithachance: :O aaron!

Sam: yes! stop this!

imsohotiburntdownhell: youre dead to me burr

John L: sam guess what

Sam: i dont want to hear about your gay fantasies for me Laurens

A.Burr: but what is it?

John L: im gay and you arent remotely attractive why the hell would i fantasize about you?

A-dot-Ham: you arent even attractive at all besides he is too busy fantasizing about me ;)

imsohotiburntdownhell: a meme google it you heathen

~~~ imsohotiburntdownhell has changed their chat moniker to maria ~~~

Sam: maria more like *looks at smudged writing in the packet about kidneys* urea

A.Burr: i will never understand that meme

maria: im not the one whos into watersports seabury

A-dot-Ham: holy

Eliza: oh my god

~~~ peggywithachance has changed their chat moniker to Peggy ~~~

Hercules: OH

Peggy: oh sam looks like urine trouble

thats-so-lancelot: i am shocked

Eliza: pEGGY IM SCREAMIG

A.Burr: i wont even ask how she knows that

Sam: im not the one whos a whore

A-dot-Ham: maybe if you were a whore you wouldnt be such a jerkwad

~~~ A-dot-Ham has changed their chat moniker to Alex ~~~

GeorgeIII: seabury if you were a whore id like, have a reason to acknowledge your existence

maria: fight me seabury

Sam: oh my god sir not you too

maria: did you just call george frederick sir

Angelica: holy fuck thats so gay

Sam: im straight?

GeorgeIII: like, since when

Alex: OH GET TOLD SAM

Sam: i

GeorgeIII: im pretty sure if i told you to suck my dick you would like do it

Hercules: (holy shit)

Sam: sir,

Alex: omg do it @george i will take back everything ive said about you

TJ: i bet he wouldnt george

GeorgeIII: how much thom-ass

Sam: guys

TJ: twenty bucks

Eliza: holy shit

Angelica: holy shit

Peggy: holy shit

Peggy: JINX

JimmyJemmyJames: thomas hes super rich it wont matter to him if he loses

Eliza: what

Angelica: thats not how jinx works?

GeorgeIII: ...ill take that bet

Peggy: um yes it is???

Sam: what

Alex: oh my god

GeorgeIII: hey sam

John L: (holy fucking shit)

Sam: yessir?

A.Burr: is this health related

GeorgeIII: ill like, pm you my address ;)

Alex: who cares burr

A.Burr: im trying to do homework and you guys are blowing up my phone with gay shit

Sam: what for

TJ: seabury dont do it its a trick

GeorgeIII: like, so you can come over at 5 and suck my dick, duh?? (bag your face thomas)

~~~ thats-so-lancelot has changed their chat moniker to Lafayette ~~~

TJ: lmao whats that even mean

Peggy: this is gold

maria: ikr

JimmyJemmyJames: hes saying youre ugly thomas

Alex: HA

Sam: i

Sam: but

TJ: what the fuck my face is a national treasure how dare you

Sam: i

Alex: SUCK IT THOMAS

GeorgeIII: Samuel Seabury, will you or will you not be arriving at my home at five o’clock postmeridian on this day 16 October 2016 Common Era to worship my manly meatstick?

Sam: Yes, sir. I will, sir.

TJ: aw shit

JimmyJemmyJames: i did warn you thomas

GeorgeIII: good ill see you soon! im sure youll do great darling no need to worry ;D <3 <3 <3~~~~~

Sam: im not worried sir

TJ: shut the fuck up?

Alex: aw shit thats actually kinda cute

GeorgeIII: great! ;)

Peggy: i ship it

Eliza: peggy shut up ur like twelve

Peggy: no im not!! im 19 fuck off

Alex: these packets are bullshit

Alex: and im going to write an entire twenty page pamphlet explaining exactly why

John L: dude why

A.Burr: it would be less work to just do the work

Lafayette: dont be a debbie doomer burr

Alex: iM GONNA DO IT AND YOU CANT STOP ME

JimmyJemmyJames: a debbie doomer?

TJ: hamilton shut the fuck up

JimmyJemmyJames: do you mean debbie downer?

John L: write something about turtles instead

GeorgeIII: sam its ten til are you on your way

Sam: yessir just leaving

Sam: turning my phone off to drive tho

Lafayette: maybe instead of doing that alexander you should write a pamphlet about your Secret Crush and distribute it all over campus

GeorgeIII: ill see you soon <3

John L: what

Sam: <3 

Alex: laf noo 

Eliza: whats this about a secret crush

Peggy: eye emoji @ sam n george

Alex: n othing

Peggy: eye emoji @ alex

Lafayette: eye emoji @ alex’s secret crush

Alex: LAF DONT OH MY GOD

TJ: can we get back to health homework

eacker77777: yeah same

Alex: i agree with thomas

TJ: screenshotting !

Sam: okay im here sir

Alex: fuck off jefferson

TJ: pics or it didnt happen @george

GeorgeIII: are you asking for a dick pic thomas

Sam: sir!

GeorgeIII: what is it slut

GeorgeIII: ***sam 

TJ: ew no way 

GeorgeIII: autocorrect ;)

Peggy: samuel sub-bury

GeorgeIII: okay sam and i will be back later guys peace out


	2. Chapter 2

Angelica: do you think sam is actually doing it  
TJ: what why do you care  
Angelica: idk i got nothing better to think about right now  
A.Burr: well i do.  
A.Burr: quit sending random stuff that isnt related to class please  
Angelica: whatever burr  
Alex: hey why is mr darch so obsessed with birds tho  
Hercules: hell if i know  
~~~ peggywithachance has changed their chat moniker from Peggy to pEGGy ~~~  
Alex: what  
pEGGy: its a pun…. a bird pun  
~~~ xXAaron-BurrXx has changed their chat moniker from A.Burr to Aaron Bird ~~~  
TJ: what the literal fuck  
Aaron Bird: arent we doing puns jeff-heron  
Alex: JEFFHERON LMAO  
Aaron Bird: whats so funny mr hamiltalon  
pEGGy: aleggzander  
TJ: ha.  
~~~ measureTHISinseam has changed their chat moniker from Hercules to herquailes ~~~  
~~~ A-dot-Ham has added PrideofMtVernon to Health 402 with Mr. Darch ~~~  
John L: hello mr washWINGton  
PrideofMtVernon: you can just call me george  
pEGGy: hey angeliCAW are you there  
John L: george frederick already goes by george  
~~~ Angelic4233 has changed their chat moniker from Angelica to angeliCAW ~~~  
angeliCAW: join us eflyza  
pEGGy: the schuylark sisters  
PrideofMtVernon: hasnt he been pushing for people to call him king as a nickname anyway  
Alex: this is ridiculous  
TJ: wake me up  
~~~ schuylerElizabeth has changed their chat moniker from Eliza to Eflyza ~~~  
Alex: WAKE ME UP INSIDE  
TJ: (cant wake up)  
Aaron Bird: calm down alexander youll get over it  
Alex: WAKE ME UP INSIIIIDE  
pEGGy: yeah at least we arent making furry puns  
TJ: nyalexanfur hameowtonya  
PrideofMtVernon: what  
Alex: OBJECTION HOW IS JEFFERSON SO FAST AT MAKING FURRY PUNS  
Alex: *jeffursona  
TJ: im just better than you  
JimmyJemmyJames: practice makes purrfect @nyalex OwO  
TJ: james  
JimmyJemmyJames: how to delete,  
pEGGy: wow you fucking furry  
JimmyJemmyJames: blame thomas  
TJ: what why me  
PrideofMtVernon: what is this  
JimmyJemmyJames: youve turned me into a nyanster (monster)  
TJ: james i will scream out loud  
Alex: hey guys question  
Alex: wait shit youre still doing this? wtf  
JimmyJemmyJames: wtf -- what the fur  
Aaron Bird: what is your question  
TJ: how to mail madison a live cockroach  
JimmyJemmyJames: what  
TJ: whoops meant to google that  
GeorgeIII: im back peasants  
Alex: does anyone have charles lees username we need to add him still  
maria: wheres seabury  
John L: ew do we have to  
PrideofMtVernon: i do. ill do it  
GeorgeIII: hes… busy  
~~~ PrideofMtVernon added charles-leeve-me-alone to Health 402 with Mr. Darch ~~~  
maria: the fuck does that mean  
charles-leeve-me-alone: hey what is this  
GeorgeIII: it means hes like, having a crisis over his sexuality because im just too hot  
PrideofMtVernon: the group chat for health class  
eacker77777: more like group shat  
maria: riiiiight sure "hot" if that keeps you from vomiting when you look in the mirror then by all means call yourself hot george  
pEGGy: stop fucking cussing  
Alex: you are perfectly free to get the fuck out eacker  
eacker77777: shit sorry  
Aaron Bird: can i add someone who isnt in our class but took it last year  
John L: depends who is it cus if its john smith the answer is no hes a jerkbag  
Aaron Bird: its my cousin  
Lafayette: you have a cousin  
John L: is your cousin john smith  
Aaron Bird: her name is theodosia  
Alex: has lee been typing this whole time  
John L: sure go ahead man idc  
charles-leeve-me-alone: first of all i dont even want to be in this class let alone interact with any of you outside of it i dont know why george thought it would be a good idea to give all of you my username by inviting me but i guess it just goes to show that hes a second rate friend as well as a second rate project partner (thats right im still salty about bio) and i want to make it excessively clear that i hate all of you and never want to see any of you again  
Alex: wow  
charles-leeve-me-alone: is that clear  
pEGGy: so you want us to leeve you alone  
~~~ xXAaron-BurrXx added tHEYNAMEDMEAFTERBEETLES to Health 402 with Mr. Darch ~~~  
charles-leeve-me-alone: yes!  
~~~ charles-leeve-me-alone left the chat ~~~  
PrideofMtVernon: oh  
John L: good riddance  
~~~ tHEYNAMEDMEAFTERBEETLES has changed their chat moniker to Theo ~~~  
Theo: since when is our last name bird  
Alex: what do you mean they named you after beetles  
TJ: ay gurl wassup  
~~~ xXAaron-BurrXx changed their chat moniker from Aaron Bird to Burr ~~~  
Theo: if you google theodosia beetle you will understand  
Burr: since darch decided birds were the best creatures to ever grace our humble planet with their divine presences  
Burr: or something  
John L: wow im surprised at that level of sass from you burr  
Theo: oh is it birds this year  
Burr: what  
Theo: last year it was turtles  
John L: wHAT  
Theo: what  
John L: AAAAAAAAAAHHH  
herquailes: john is obsessed with turtles  
Theo: ah.  
pEGGy: john clawrens  
John L: wow. i cant believe this.   
Theo: so what unit are you guys on  
Burr: muscles  
Lafayette: i have better pectorals than this diagram boy  
Alex: we know  
herquailes: i have a better dick than this diagram boy  
Lafayette: i know  
Sam: okay i am back what have i missed  
Alex: lee came in for like a second  
PrideofMtVernon: he said i was a second rate friend  
John L: :/  
John L: alex lets pm  
Sam: are you guys going to do gay things  
Alex: probably not  
John L: none of your business  
GeorgeIII: hi sammy!!  
Sam: sir we are in the same room  
maria: pff i cant get over you calling him sir  
Burr: i just finished the homework  
Theo: wow congratulations  
Burr: thanks  
AngeliCAW: oh hey sam so did you do it  
pEGGy: samuel seabirdy  
angeliCAW: nice one pegs  
Sam: thats uh classified or something  
angeliCAW: george did he do it  
PrideofMtVernon: what  
GeorgeIII: yup! (calm down like i checked first to see if i could tell)  
PrideofMtVernon: oh  
GeorgeIII: oh its you  
Eflyza: i just finished the homework too  
PrideofMtVernon: hello  
Burr: nice same  
Eflyza: B)  
GeorgeIII: ugh...  
Eflyza: lets start a club for the people who finish their homework before 6pm  
Burr: what kind of club  
PrideofMtVernon: alex john why did i just receive a message from lee saying the two of you beat him up  
TJ: oh shit someones in trouble now  
John L: umm  
Alex: uhhhhh  
Alex: we gotta go  
John L: gOTTA GET THE JOB DONE  
Alex: im gonna scream john  
John L: bye guys  
PrideofMtVernon: thats disappointing :/


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao check it out an update

Burr: they didnt exactly beat him up  
Burr: john broke his nose  
Theo: aaron why are they your friends  
JimmyJemmyJames: damn  
Sam: i wish i had some jello  
Aaron: they seem to be attached to me for some unfathomable reason  
TJ: wait  
Sam: omg george has jello ill be back later  
TJ: so you dont actually like them you just hang out with them cus they like you  
Theo: aaron thats  
Burr: that isnt what i said  
Theo: just because the laurenses adopted you doesnt mean you have to be all buddy buddy with john  
TJ: woooah what  
Burr: thats not even relevant i moved out for gods sake  
JimmyJemmyJames: wait they adopted you how  
Burr: my parents are dead is how. any other questions or are you deigning to leave my privacy intact  
TJ: wow touchy  
TJ: yeah um i do have another question though  
TJ: why are you friends with them  
Aaron: we accept each others flaws and appreciate each others strengths why is anyone friends with anybody thomas  
TJ: really because just the other day i overheard hamilton say that friendship with you isnt exactly his first choice. he even said... what was it, he finds it... oh yeah, "dissatisfying"  
JimmyJemmyJames: um thomas  
PrideofMtVernon: that doesnt sound like alexander  
TJ: i know what im doing james  
Theo: ...aaron are you okay  
Burr: i have to drive ill see you guys later  
Theo: um okay jefferson to answer your PM no i wont go out with you, you piece of shit  
JimmyJemmyJames: thatll be ten dollars thomas  
Theo: what  
TJ: damn  
Theo: you made a bet.  
JimmyJemmyJames: it was his idea  
angeliCAW: whyd you answer him in here  
Theo: well now i see why aaron isnt friends with you two at least  
TJ: dang  
Theo: oh i figured he deserved the public shame  
JimmyJemmyJames: #roasted  
TJ: ha.  
JimmyJemmyJames: but really thomas why did you do that  
JimmyJemmyJames: you know that wasnt how hamilton meant it and he wasnt even talking to you  
Alex: hm?  
TJ: burr needs to be taken down a peg i think  
TJ: oh hey hammy  
Alex: what.  
TJ: madison and i were just talking about you  
Alex: what did you say to him  
TJ: that burr needs to be taken down a peg?  
Alex: what did you say to aaron.  
TJ: eh nothin much  
Alex: then why isnt he answering my messages  
Theo: he said he was driving  
Alex: why would he reserve a conference room in the library for 6:30 to 7:30 and then drive the whole time  
TJ: sorry what  
Alex: i left my jacket in there earlier i need it and it says he has this timeslot  
Theo: why would he reserve a conference room in the first place  
Alex: i have no idea!  
herquailes: alex calm down  
Alex: tell me what the fuck you said to him jefferson  
TJ: jeez man its nothin to get so worked up about  
JimmyJemmyJames: he told him about the time we overheard you telling lafayette about how friendship with burr wasnt what you wanted  
TJ: goddammit james  
Theo: is alex a jerk or a gay jerk  
JimmyJemmyJames: fuck yourself thomas  
Alex: holy fucking shit jefferson im gonna murder you  
TJ: whaaaat calm down dude  
Alex: im bi  
Theo: dont fuck with aaron that isnt cool  
John L: whos fucking with aaron  
TJ: alex is  
John L: what man that aint cool  
Alex: im not!  
Alex: jefferson is!!!  
Theo: its jefferson  
JimmyJemmyJames: its thomas and i swear to god i thought he was better than this does anyone else wanna be my best friend  
John L: jefferson i just broke charles lees nose would you like to see how badly i can fuck up your shitty face  
Theo: cant make it much worse  
TJ: no thanks :)  
John L: shame i need to vent some frustration  
pEGGy: ill be your nest friend  
pEGGy: get it  
angeliCAW: pEGGY WTH  
pEGGy: birds  
angeliCAW: you told me yesterday you were aro-ace tf is this  
pEGGy: wh  
JimmyJemmyJames: im creaming  
pEGGy: OH no lol thats not what i meant  
angeliCAW: wHA T  
JimmyJemmyJames: *SCREAMIGN  
JimmyJemmyJames: SC R E AMM I GN G  
TJ: goddamn and i thought i was in the shit  
John L: ur still in the shit m8  
angeliCAW: *narrows eyes at madison* im watching u  
Alex: you still are??? ? ??  
Theo: alex if you wanna pm real quick i can give you some suggestions  
JimmyJemmyJames: srsly it was a typo  
Alex: wh  
Alex: for what  
pEGGy: nutting (as in, 'nothing')  
Theo: to get aaron to let you in  
Eflyza: peggy ur grounded  
Alex: oh sure thanks  
Alex: hell i hope hes okay  
herquailes: prolly not :/  
pEGGy: u cant ground me im in college  
John L: let us know how it goes man  
Alex: yeah  
Theo: jefferson more like dead  
pEGGy: AYYYY  
Eflyza: oh you guys want aaron?  
TJ: sorry dear im afraid murder is illegal unless you mean that in a euphemistic sense in which case be my guest ;)  
Theo: ye we do  
Eflyza: oh the conference room is for the homework finished club i can tell him you guys want him but he seems kinda preoccupied  
Theo: wait youre with him? please do  
Eflyza: aight  
Eflyza: maybe someone should tell alex before he does something drastic tho  
Aaron: to quote my dear cousin:  
Theo: hello are you alright  
Aaron: jefferson more like dead  
TJ: at risk of sounding repetitive:  
angeliCAW: dude dont even.  
JimmyJemmyJames: thomas where is your self control today  
TJ: sry dear im afraid murders illegal unless u mean that euphemistically in which case B my guest ;))))c  
TJ: up your ass  
Aaron: dear sweet jesus  
pEGGy: lol wut  
TJ: how to delete,  
JimmyJemmyJames: i swear to god  
pEGGy: lmao  
JimmyJemmyJames: peggy i may have to take you up on that offer of being friends  
Eflyza: stay woke pegs  
Alex: you rang? @aaron  
Alex: oh and @madison ig  
Aaron: i swear to god alexander  
Alex: but im already here :3  
Alex: okay but in all seriousness  
Aaron: hm?  
Alex: we should probably talk  
Aaron: w ow look at the time im gonna have to abscond yall  
John L: did you just  
John L: say yall  
Aaron: shut the hell up jack  
Alex: holy  
Eflyza: aaron your cookies-- wow okay nvm im keeping these  
Aaron: i apologise i was not thinking  
pEGGy: you gUYS HAVE **COOKIES**?!  
John L: nah its cool  
Alex: how come u call john jack but you never call me alex  
Aaron: im going now  
Eflyza: peggy if you arent three stop obsessing over cookies aight? aight  
TJ: burr listen  
JimmyJemmyJames: hey that aint cool my new best friend here is obviously very mature.  
pEGGy: see jemmy agrees with me  
Aaron: if its about the presentation i dont care what the theme is youll just choose it on your own anyway  
TJ: no im not talking about the dumbass health project  
Alex: hell, shitfuckdamn  
Aaron: well this group chat is to talk about homework so i fail to see what else you could be talking about. and as i just said i dont really care what you do with the theme.  
Aaron: im going  
Alex: will you go out with me  
TJ: no i mean he said that because hes a fucking dork and has a ridiculous sappyass crush on you, another fucking dorkface, and i put it out of context to fuck with you  
TJ: there is that good enough  
Theo: depends is it true  
Alex: i object!  
Alex: my feelings are not ridiculous  
TJ: you dont object to being called a dork then  
Alex: well no  
TJ: good to know dork  
TJ: anyways yes its true  
Alex: here aaron if you give me two seconds i can grab one of the embarrassing texts ive drafted in my notes app and never sent  
Eflyza: he just  
Eflyza: alex are you still in the library you never got your coat  
Alex: no im not i left why  
Eflyza: dammit i cant follow him  
Eflyza: where the hell is he going  
Theo: jefferson you are gonna suffer for this  
TJ: save me james  
JimmyJemmyJames: mmmmm no.  
TJ: what why not  
Sam: i love jello you guys  
Sam: wait whats going on


	4. Chapter 4

GeorgeIII: hey sam i found a spoon do you wanna use it  
Sam: oh thank fuck  
Sam: i mean  
angeliCAW: lmao what are you guys even doing  
Sam: yes sir  
GeorgeIII: eating jello?? wtf else would we be doing with a spoon  
angeliCAW: idfk thats why i asked  
Theo: goddammit aaron answer the damn phone  
eacker77777: did hamilton seriously ask burr out in the health group chat  
Aaron: im sorry what  
John L: dude are you okay  
Aaron: hahaha this is real funny you even got eacker in on it thanks guys  
Theo: aaron  
John L: aaron please are you okay  
Aaron: i dont know. wheres jefferson  
TJ: right here, um  
TJ: why do you want to talk to me  
Aaron: i dont know why im friends with them. since they obviously consider it all a joke anyway  
Alex: "hey so i know we are just friends right now and you might not even be gay but i think you have a wonderful face, and your voice makes me feel simultaneously attacked and blessed because holy shit? your voice is amazing, but also its not fucking fair that its so great-- im getting off track haha. okay um. im trying to say i really like you and i want to date you but im doing it really clumsily. thats another thing about you thats amazing, when i think about you my words all crash into each other and its really weird but also kind of nice cus i know you dont need me to use complicated sentence structure to tell you i like you? i can just say it however and youll understand. and thats really cool, and youre really cool please go out with me" --one of the texts i drafted and never sent  
Aaron: alexander  
Aaron: alexander if this is a joke  
Alex: its not a joke  
Aaron: if this is a joke im not going to be okay  
Alex: im not joking  
Alex: please  
Lafayette: he is being truthful  
Aaron: i dont know. i dont know  
Alex: come over?  
Aaron: no  
Aaron: no this is too fast i need some time  
Theo: give him space okay  
John L: just give him space alex  
Theo: *eyebrow raise*  
John L: hey how come i dont know you  
Theo: i was just about to ask you the same thing  
Aaron: can one of you maybe um  
John L: sure where are you  
Aaron: ill pm you  
Alex: are you okay  
TJ: am i allowed to talk yet  
Theo: no  
pEGGy: well fuck.   
Aaron: wait why isnt jefferson allowed to talk  
TJ: free speech cmonnnn  
Theo: he was fucking with you  
Alex: hes a jerk and also wrong about everything  
John L: also he should just never talk in general fuck off thomas  
TJ: wow  
TJ: wow okay i see when im not wanted  
JimmyJemmyJames: thomas  
TJ: james  
JimmyJemmyJames: Thomas.   
TJ: James.   
JimmyJemmyJames: ...Fine.   
TJ: wait no im stopping im done  
JimmyJemmyJames: ...  
JimmyJemmyJames: im not enough of a jerk to do this over text, so.   
JimmyJemmyJames: maybe you should avoid me for the time being.  
TJ: what  
TJ: aw this isnt cool  
pEGGy: whats going on  
TJ: i LIKE hanging out with you though  
JimmyJemmyJames: thomas you know what pisses me off  
JimmyJemmyJames: weve known each other since second grade and that is the first time you have ever told me that.   
TJ: what really  
JimmyJemmyJames: really.   
TJ: hell im sorry  
TJ: youre the best friend i have. i mean that  
JimmyJemmyJames: what an outstanding distinction  
TJ: james dont do this  
John L: PMs exist for a reason guys  
TJ: wow thanks a shitload laurens youre so helpful all the time forever  
Aaron: thank you john  
Aaron: that helped. im okay. who else here has finished the homework? besides me and eliza  
Alex: *eliza and i  
Aaron: :)  
Alex: sorry i just had to,  
Aaron: its ok :)  
Theo: lmao  
Alex: is that a passive agressive smiley face  
Aaron: i think you mean *aggressive :)  
TJ: GET TOLD  
John L: fuck off jefferson no one asked you  
herquailes: should i start a knitting club  
pEGGy: YESS DO IT  
herquailes: im gonna  
Sam: can i join ive always wanted to learn how to knit  
maria: thats gay  
herquailes: sure sam  
Sam: oops i guess im gay  
GeorgeIII: ayy  
maria: sam yknow what you should do  
Sam: what  
Eflyza: i bet i know  
maria: you should guess then  
Eflyza: oh alright  
Sam: wh  
Eflyza: you should apologise for calling her a whore  
maria: right on the money  
maria: get it  
maria: ha ha  
Eflyza: i  
eacker77777: :/  
John L: whats YOUR problem eacker  
Eflyza: maria thats not  
Sam: wow look at the time looks like its that time of day again where i toss myself in the garbage whee  
Eflyza: you arent a whore  
maria: thats not an apology seabury  
Eflyza: and even if you were? id still date you tbh  
pEGGy: eliza shut up ur like 14  
angeliCAW: GAYYYYYYYYYYY :D  
Lafayette: this is incredibly sweet and i agree that prostitutes deserve just as much happiness and fulfillment as the rest of us  
Eflyza: yeah what lafayette said  
maria: thanks.   
maria: eliza, PM?  
Eflyza: sure  
Alex: i have finished the homework  
TJ: what the fuck I HAVE LITERALLY ONE QUESTION LEFT SHIT HOW THE HELL  
Alex: its cus im better than u  
TJ: HA thats rich hon  
Alex: dont call me that  
JimmyJemmyJames: #betrayed  
TJ: james we arent even dating yet and i apologised  
JimmyJemmyJames: ...............................  
pEGGy: yet???????  
JimmyJemmyJames: ^^^^^^  
Alex: sNRK  
TJ: shit lets just take this to pm Right Now instead of waiting until weve already gotten everyone interested  
Theo: too late  
John L: what theo said  
Aaron: what theo said  
pEGGy: JINX  
Eflyza: tHAT ISNT HOW JINX WORKS SMFH  
pEGGy: LET ME LIVE LIZZY  
pEGGy: but yeah its too late for that we are all already interested  
Alex: im always down to laugh at jeffersons problems  
TJ: fuck off hamilton  
Alex: lmao make me  
Aaron: maybe we should leave this alone its their business  
Alex: yEAH good. good point lets do that  
Lafayette: eye emoji at alex and his not so secret crush  
Alex: shhhhhhhhhhh hhh h h hhhh hH hHHHhhh h hhH HHHh   
Aaron: im going to sleep  
Theo: stay safe  
Alex: oh seeya  
John L: stay s-- hey i was gonna say that  
Aaron: bye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao sorry this update took so long. ive been dealing with Shit. if you liked this chapter please comment telling me why! i really do thrive on feedback and i love every comment you guys give me :D


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is now another day in the group chat. I'm still working out the schedules for how often they have class, so any dates might not work out continuity-wise until I have that figured out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so it's been like a month since i updated. sorry. i had finals.

PrideofMtVernon: guess who wants to be added back into the group chat  
~~~ PrideofMtVernon added charles-leeve-me-alone to Health 402 with Mr. Darch ~~~  
Alex: its lee isnt it. i knew it. i predicted hed come crawling back, what a jerk  
Alex: hi lee how is your face doing  
~~~ charles-leeve-me-alone changed their chat moniker to Charles L ~~~  
Charles L: better than yesterday, no thanks to you  
Alex: good to know youre healing okay, ill let john know, he’ll be glad to hear that  
Charles L: no you dont have to do that  
Aaron: i still cant believe you two actually conspired to assault a fellow student  
Alex: it sounds really bad when you put it that way,  
PrideofMtVernon: it *is* really bad  
Theo: it is kind of an asshole way to go about things  
Alex: hell.  
Lafayette: i will admit that even though i found it amusing i still expected more from you, alexander  
Charles L: wow, thanks a ton @lafayette (this is sarcasm)  
Lafayette: youd be laughing too if it were reversed, dont bullshit me  
Charles L: okay good point  
John L: hey what was the homework  
John L: oh its you  
Charles L: pages 5 and 6 of the muscle packet, he said it five times in class, wrote it on the board, /and/ sent out a remind 101.  
John L: thanks sweaty :) :)  
Charles L: i think you mean *sweety :)  
Alex: *sweetie  
Charles L: fucc u  
Aaron: this is honestly just.  
Aaron: ugh  
~~~ xXAaron-BurrXx left the chat ~~~  
Alex: oh  
Alex: nooooooo  
TJ: #rekt  
Alex: jefferson i am going to destroy you if you continue to do this bullshit  
Alex: oh fuck  
Alex: oh no oh fuck shit dammit fuck AHHHHHHHHH  
Lafayette: what  
Lafayette: man are you okay?  
Alex: nO no im not okay what the hell  
TJ: is there a spider in your shower  
Alex: i  
Alex: fucc lemme check  
TJ: wh  
TJ: it was a joke,  
Alex: WHAT THE FUCK JEFFERSON  
TJ: WHAT  
Alex: HOW DID YOU FUCKING KNOW  
TJ: IT WAS A JOKE  
Lafayette: what happened?  
Alex: first of all, dskjfmfdsnjkjf fucc FUCK, secondly, theres a spider in my shower and somehow jefferson knew about it and can you come kill it for me  
Lafayette: your dorm is all the way across campus from mine and i am fairly busy at the moment  
Lafayette: you could ask burr, isnt he near you?  
Alex: i cant ask burr  
Lafayette: why not  
Alex: Reasons  
TJ: ...................................................  
Alex: fuck off jefferson  
TJ: or maybe you two could PM about it  
Alex: HEY WAIT THOMAS, TOMMY MY PAL,  
TJ: what  
TJ: should i be afraid  
Alex: YOU KNOW IVE ALWAYS CONSIDERED YOU A FRIEND,  
TJ: this is unnerving are you okay  
Alex: YOURE RIGHT ACROSS THE HALL FROM ME RIGHT  
TJ: no i wont kill your spider for you  
TJ: just pick it up and let it outside for gods sake  
Charles L: this entire chat is a joke, why did i want back  
PrideofMtVernon: you told me it was because you wanted to keep an eye on “””the enemy”””  
Charles L: oh yeah  
John L: what  
Charles L: i want to avoid further unwarranted injury to my person, do you have a problem with that laurens because if so i can report you and hamilton to the campus police  
John L: it was not unwarranted,  
Alex: maybe a little unwarranted  
Charles L: a LOT unwarranted  
Alex: not undeserved, but its also not really in our jurisdiction to determine that  
John L: you and your goddamn law degree  
Alex: i dont have a law degree yet  
Charles L: and you never will if you get kicked out for attacking another student  
Alex: im sorry,  
Charles L: im going to interpret that as a genuine apology instead of the passive aggressive sarcastic apology it probably was  
Alex: no it was a genuine apology i just suck at getting emotions across  
Charles L: oh  
Alex: yeah.  
John L: #betrayed  
Alex: john do you wanna get kicked out  
Alex: or maybe the more important question is if you wanna ever grow as a person and move on from being petty enough to break someones nose over an insult to someone you dont even know very well, no offense washington  
John L: i  
TJ: woah  
John L: feel attacked.  
TJ: woah was that borderline self-awareness you just spewed out hamilton  
Alex: what  
TJ: ill admit im somewhat impressed  
Alex: no, stop, just stop  
TJ: i didnt think you were capable of that  
Alex: just i care about john and?? fuck off anyway jefferson, you wouldnt help with my spider you have no businness commenting on this  
TJ: *business :)  
TJ: and oh its /your/ spider now??  
Alex: ....yes. it is my spider. his name is macbeth.  
John L: ALEX NO  
Alex: hecc off john it doesnt count if i type it  
Alex: and besides i doubt that our MIDDLE SCHOOL production of macbeth counts enough to curse me, especially considering i played a fucking tree.  
John L: STILL.  
TJ: you played a tree in macbeth in middle school.  
Alex: i  
Alex: yes. yes i did.  
~~~ JimmyJemmyJames changed their chat moniker to James ~~~  
TJ: oh hello james  
James: the homework was page 5 and 6 right  
Charles L: it was on the board, he said it five times, he sent a remind 101 YES IT IS PAGES 5 AND 6  
James: thanks  
James: wait i thought you left  
TJ: does james have me ignored  
Charles L: im back now  
James: i would if that were possible on this app  
Alex: jefferson lets start a club for people whove fucked up  
TJ: no  
Alex: what why not  
TJ: then wed have to actually talk about our problems  
Alex: no we wouldnt we could just eat cookies and vague at each other about people we both know  
James: that sounds unhealthy  
John L: can i get in on this  
Charles L: thats not an apology  
Sam: i want in too  
Alex: woah  
herquailes: damn this is way more popular than my knitting club what gives  
John L: herc where were you  
herquailes: whats the homework  
Charles L: sIGH  
herquailes: i was with laf  
herquailes: why do you ask  
Charles L: page five and six also fuck you for not paying attention in class  
herquailes: 5 n 6 of what  
Charles L: THE MUSCLE PACKET  
herquailes: jeez sorry  
John L: oh you were with laf? ;) ;) ;)  
Lafayette: you seem surprised, laurens  
John L: ;) ;) ;)  
Alex: anyway.  
John L: tfw theres shit goin down and both people are PMing you about it and youre trying to remain neutral  
Alex: wait john are you talking about the Thing  
John L: what thing  
Alex: ill say it in PM  
Theo: im going to infer from context that somethings up with aaron and act accordingly  
John L: no no wait  
Theo: what  
John L: here ill PM you really fast?  
Theo: okay, i guess  
Sam: are we still doing that club for people who fucked up  
maria: HEY GUESS WHO HAS A DATE, ITS ME  
Sam: oh cool  
Eliza: HEY GUESS WHO HER DATE IS, ITS ME :D  
Sam: um, i really am sorry  
maria: eye emoji @sam  
Sam: i guess i was, letting my insecurity dictate my actions and that was jerky of me. so. i am sorry. for calling you a whore.  
maria: well thats way better than i expected, what do you think eliza  
Eliza: average performance, 3 (fair) out of 5, 1 being weak and 5 being strong  
Sam: this isnt an AP test i thought i left those behind in high school  
Eliza: you got the points for identifying the thing youre sorry about and for placing the blame on yourself, but you missed the point for promising not to repeat the offense. 2/3 points is the national average  
maria: lmao  
Sam: oh  
Sam: well yeah i wont do it again  
Sam: and if i do something similar call me out  
maria: no problem  
GeorgeIII: apologising is gay  
Sam: thank you sir  
Eliza: i cant fucking believe you are still calling him sir  
GeorgeIII: ;]  
angeliCAW: what was the homework again you guys  
Charles L: FOR FUCKS FUCKING SAKE  
angeliCAW: .....what.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you enjoyed this chapter, please leave a comment letting me know! :D


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we have something a little bit different this chapter. It's Alex's POV, and is set the same afternoon as the previous chapter. It's after Alex suggests the club for people who have fucked up, but before John and Alex mention the Thing. Just pretend there was a long pause somewhere in there.

The library is cold, air conditioning turned up way too high like some Alaskan with a vendetta messed with the thermostat. It’s freezing and you still haven’t gotten your jacket from Eliza. You would have it by now if she had just left it in the conference room, dammit, she didn’t have to take it with her. You hope she doesn’t check your pockets.

Your phone dings, far too loudly. Several assholes shush you. You hastily grab the noisy annoyance-device from all the way across the table you’ve claimed, and let your head fall onto the thick wooden surface with a thud when you read the text from Eliza proclaiming that she laundered your jacket for you and don’t worry she won’t tell anyone what’s in the pockets. You groan loudly without thinking about it, and decide to just ditch this place when a boy near you finally gets fed up and just whispers at you to shut it. You grab your stuff, leaving your books strewn out all over the table because librarians in some places get paid by how many books they reshelve.

You heave some loud, huffy sighs as you stride out the door just to spite all the haters. And promptly run smack into Aaron Burr. FUck fuck fcuK. You drop all of your stuff like your life is some trashy romantic comedy, like he’s about to ask you to go out for coffee because he wants to talk about shit-- fuck he’s saying something dammit to hell.

“...probably do need to talk, and there’s a quiet place I know of within walking distance… Alexander, are you listening?” He’s in the middle of handing you a pencil case, but then he pulls his hand back to shake it next to his ear with a perplexed expression on his face, and starts to say, “What do you even keep in here?”

You grab it back from him, blushing as you mutter something noncommittal.

“Stuff ‘n things, and I’m listening, sorry, lemme just…”

You trail off as you scramble to get your stuff off the floor. Finally you have it all gathered up, and Aaron holds the door open for you as the two of you walk out into the daylight. It’s unusually warm for October, which is pretty nice. You like warm weather, which you ramble about nervously as you walk with Aaron, whose face is unreadable. This only makes you talk faster and get more anxious. You’re stuttering. What did you even just say, something about ice cream? What the fuck.

Overall it’s a relief when he cuts you off with an _After you, Alexander,_ and holds the door open again. Thank God he isn’t afraid to stop you when you get to talking like that. It’s more tactful of him than letting you be would’ve been. He asks what you want, and you tell him he can choose for you, because you really want to put your stuff down.

You claim a table off in the corner, and try to keep your stuff localised to your side of it. Aaron comes back in a few minutes with two coffees, and informs you that he is paying, and that this is not a date. Two somewhat contradictory statements, but you’ll roll with it.

You take a sip of your coffee, trying to procrastinate the inevitable. It’s… iced. Iced fucking coffee, why the fuck not. Today of all the ridiculous days, it almost makes sense. Eliza looked in your pockets, Burr is buying you coffee, why shouldn’t it be the most abominable creation to ever be conceived. The coffee, you mean. Not Burr. Burr is… Burr is fucking great. 

Incidentally, he’s also currently talking.

To your surprise, he doesn’t dance around his point, just says it straight out. 

“You have a crush on me.”

You take too large of a gulp of your shitty coffee and almost choke, nodding bashfully. 

“I do.”

He nods, and takes a long sip of his coffee. 

“Well, I have a crush on you.” He anticipates your response, and cuts you off, “But! But. I’m not convinced that a relationship would be the most fulfilling thing for either of us. Do you actually want to be with me, or do you just like the idea?”

That makes you pause, because you’ve never thought about it in those exact words, but not for long. You _know_ this, you know you want him in your life, and you think you could make his better, brighter, more exciting. 

“I can see us together. Whenever I close my eyes I see us. You know how to--” the words catch in your throat, and you swallow, suddenly self-conscious. “You, you’re good for me, I go too fast and you can slow me down when I need it, you can make me stop and think because I listen to you.”

He frowns at the table, then looks up at you with his hands clasped in front of him. 

“You mean because you give me the power to.”

He’s misinterpreting this, he doesn’t understand. Your indignation probably shows on your face, and you start out a little too loud but immediately quiet down a bit at his raised eyebrow. 

“You think this was a choice? Aaron, _everyone_ listens to you.”

He sighs softly and turns his gaze to the window. 

“Not everyone.”

His voice is wistful, and it seems like he thinks about that a lot, so you don’t contradict him. You lean forwards in your chair and try to make eye contact with him. 

“Aaron, I want you to be happy. I want to make you feel like you deserve it. I know you deserve it.” Saying these things is hard because you mean it, but you keep going because you just have to. “I want to take you out for ice cream and talk about puppies or climate change or anything, I want to be close to you and just listen to you exist instead of filling up the silence like I usually do, I want to open up a law firm with you and--”

“I want to kiss you,” he says, a small smile on his face, and your eyebrows shoot up. The two of you just look at each other for a few wonderful seconds before he looks back down at the table and starts to blush. “...I wasn’t going to say that today.”

“You weren’t going to say what now?”

You wink at him. Anyone else, you’d never let it go, but you’d do anything for Aaron. Almost anything. He laughs, real, genuine, and it sounds like running with a kite in your hands, trying to catch the clouds. He has an impatient laugh. 

“Thank you, Alexander.”

You love the way he says your name. He’s not careful with it, like you make him less cautious, and you can always tell more about what he’s thinking from how he says it than from the actual words he chooses. 

“No problem.”

You grin at him, and he smiles comfortably back. Even though this isn’t a date, and even though the coffee sucks, you think this might be progress.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you liked this, please don't hesitate to leave a comment!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This entire chapter was so much fun to write. i believe its the longest so far at 2363 words. warning for oblique mentions of suicide that arent really prevalent yet. theyll be expanded upon more in later chapters. if i forget to add a tag for that after posting this chapter, please let me know in a comment.

TJ: whats the homework  
Alex: its wednesday jefferson we dont even have class  
TJ: i havent done yesterdays  
Charles L: suffer jefferson  
TJ: excuse me  
John L: did you guys hear what happened to george  
Alex: yeah wtf  
John L: i know right  
Charles L: which george  
TJ: george frederick the third  
Alex: it was totally out of the blue  
Alex: hes always jumping for joy when i see him  
John L: yeah youd think someone so expressive wouldve showed a sign beforehand  
Sam: hamilton was that an intentional joke about the situation  
Alex: what  
Alex: no oh fuck no im so sorry  
Alex: i didnt even notice  
Alex: um are you okay  
Sam: haha nope lmao  
Aaron: its 3AM ???????????????????????????????????????????????????  
John L: what are you doing at 3AM thats so important you cant handle a few texts  
Alex: sleeping prolly  
Aaron: im TPing the quad  
TJ: WHAT  
Alex: oh  
Alex: can i help  
Aaron: youre too loud  
Sam: why are you TPing the quad  
Alex: aw  
Aaron: john smith is paying me $1500 to and ill buy you all starbucks if you dont rat me out  
TJ: DEAL  
John L: why are you hanging out with john smith  
Alex: why is he paying that much thats enourmously impractical  
TJ: why do you use british spellings hamilton its gross and terrible  
Aaron: someone else is paying him $2000 to do it  
John L: WHO  
TJ: WTF  
Alex: capitalism at its finest  
TJ: so now that hes paying burr to do something someone else paid him to do you dont question it hm?  
Alex: theres no point since now i understand completely  
TJ: i  
Alex: capitalism may be enourmously harmful and overly militaristic in nature but at least its predictable  
TJ: anyway i vote for communism  
Alex: ew  
John L: WHO WANTS THE QUAD TPED THIS MUCH THO  
Sam: its georgie  
Alex: oh shit really  
Charles L: communism sucks  
Alex: TRU LEE hmm do you wanna pm about political systems  
Sam: i dont know why hes doing it he wouldnt say  
Aaron: you mean this money im gonna get will have originated from george frederick  
Charles L: not really  
Alex: hm  
Sam: yeah  
Aaron: .........  
Sam: why do you ask  
Aaron: george frederick will have payed for my college textbooks hA  
Sam: ...  
TJ: aaron have you heard what happened yet  
Aaron: what  
TJ: about frederick  
John L: george  
Aaron: no what happened  
Alex: oh dear  
TJ: mm  
John L: who wants to say it  
TJ: HAMILTON DOES  
Alex: i nominate jefferso---- FUCC U  
Aaron: someone just tell me  
Sam: he fell off a roof  
Aaron: oh shit  
Sam: yeah um  
Aaron: is he gonna be okay  
Sam: we dont know yet im scared  
Aaron: what was he doing on a roof  
TJ: nobody knows  
Sam: i dont know he didnt tell me where he was going they cant figure out how he got there  
Aaron: when did this happen  
Sam: at about midnight  
Sam: im surprised so many people know about it already  
John L: i was getting donuts right near the clock tower when the ambulance got there  
TJ: so was i  
John L: yeah how much do i owe you anyway  
TJ: its fine its fine dw abt it  
Alex: what  
Sam: why were you getting donuts  
John L: what are you sure  
TJ: for the people who fucked up club  
Aaron: not this again  
Alex: sorry  
TJ: yeah im sure i mean money exists to be spent and Also it didnt occur to me to get any with strawberry filling so idve eaten some of yours anyway  
Aaron: why was he in the clock tower  
Sam: we dont know! nobody knows anything and we wont know until he wakes up! stop asking!  
Aaron: sorry  
John L: are you with him sam  
Sam: yeah but theyre gonna kick me out when his family gets here the psychologist just says he shouldnt wake up without someone he knows here  
Alex: is that against the law  
Charles L: youre the one studying for a law degree  
Alex: WE HAVENT GOTTEN THAT FAR YET  
TJ: im going to sleep  
John L: why shouldnt he wake up alone  
Sam: he just shouldnt  
John L: i mean i sort of get it but is he really uh  
Sam: gh  
John L: that....  
Sam: just stop  
John L: that--  
John L: okay?  
Sam: im sorry for being snippy im just really! fuckin! worried! and freakin out haha th is is myyy fualt  
Aaron: ...did you push him  
Sam: no  
Sam: i wasnt there i got a call like an hour ago  
Sam: but he wouldntve been up there in the first place if i hadnt gone to sleep,  
Alex: new study proves humans need sleep to function  
Aaron: funny you should say that alexander  
Sam: yeah but i told him he could talk to me whenever,  
Alex: you have to take care of yourself or you cant properly argue with me  
Sam: i gotta go  
Alex: ....  
Alex: .............................  
Alex: someone say something  
Alex: .........................................../  
Alex: so i understand why ikea has you assemble stuff yourself, because it lets them have cheaper prices, but i wish that they would let you pay them more to assemble it for you. i mean honestly thats just capitalism 101. there should be a team of trained professional assemblers at every ikea that would assemble your shit for you and help you figure out how to fit it all into your car and calculate the most efficient items to assemble at the store for the greatest ease in moving them from car → house as well as the easiest it could be for the items you still have to assemble at home. they could probably make a lot of money off of that because everyone hates assembling ikea furniture. also i got a matress there once and they literally had it rolled up into a cylinder and packaged in a vacuum sealed plastic bag which i get that it takes up less linear space that way but it didnt unbend for a full 24 hours and i needed it that night  
Alex: honestly there should just be a team of… vigilante assemblers  
Alex: they keep tabs on everyone who buys things from ikea and if you havent assembled your furniture correctly in a few days they come in and just do it for you. and even if youve tried and given up they will take the parts out of the trash, replace any screws you chucked out the window in anger, and assemble your goddamn desk chair. the catch is that they pet your cat and your dog and spend a full half hour staring at your fish tank and cooing. They do this out of the goodness of their hearts, because the ikea vigilantes are not restricted by capitalism. they live off of stimming and cool rocks and helping people out, and also cute animals. they dont need material thigns like sustenance or money. the ikea vigilantes are not the hero we deserve, but the hero we desperately need. we all aspire to be like the ikea vigilantes, even though we know we will inevitably fail. nobody has ever seen the ikea vigilantes, but we know they exist, which has led some to speculate that the ikea vigilantes live in us all. we are the true ikea vigilantes, and when we assemble ikea furniture we discover a new world where we can just look at pictures of kittens forever and bounce up and down about something we are excited about without getting told to sit still. and then when we are done assembling that desk chair we get to spin around in it forever practically and make annoying mouth noises into the empty night, because there is no one who can tell us not to. we can eat cake in our desk chair, because it belongs to us, just like our destiny.  
Alex: ikea doesnt provide assembly for two reasons: admittedly, because it lowers prices, making their revolutionary desk chairs available to more people, but more importantly, because assembling a piece of furniture in the middle of the night gives us agency, the proof that we have power over our own lives, that we can take the pieces life has given us and make something useful, something that is ours and only ours. ikea is an inspiration to us all.  
John L: go to sleep you piece of shit  
Alex: guess what i saw at ikea the other day john  
Alex: ... areyou gonna guess  
Alex: ill take that as a no.  
Alex: im telling you anyway  
Alex: a rug shaped like a turtle. it was so fucking soft i almost got it for you but then i remembered im a poor college student with no money at all,  
John L: wAIT WHAT  
John L: are you serious  
Aaron: oh john had a turtle rug once  
Alex: really?  
John L: y eah n it was the best fuckin thing  
Aaron: he called it steve  
Alex: sNRK  
John L: well hmm whats a funny thing about aaron growing up :3  
Aaron: ....Dont  
John L: okay i know the perfect thing  
Aaron: which one is this is it the umbrella one, the ice cream one, which?  
Alex: what  
John L: oh i forgot about the umbrella one  
John L: its the ice cream one  
Aaron: that ones okay i guess then  
James: hey guys its wednesday right  
Aaron: yeah  
Alex: congrats you slept past 7AM  
John L: so aaron when he was like 5 he decides hes going to eat an entire enourmous mint chip ice cream cone all by himself so he does and he gets a brain freeze and is convinced for a full three hours that he got poisoned  
Alex: ,,,,,  
Aaron: dont say it  
Alex: aw but,  
Aaron: i wont hesitate to fight you for a slight to my character  
Alex: BEING CUTE ISNT A SLIGHT TO YOUR CHARACTER  
Aaron: i am the one who ggets to decide what is and isnt a slight to my character  
Aaron: and my character is slighted by your words. meet me in the library, and dont bring an umbrella, we dry like men.  
Alex: pFT lmao areyou serious  
Aaron: deadly  
Alex: … well am i being arrogant or do you just want to see me all excited from the rain, because dont bother denying it to spare my feeligns i get ridiculously hyper about this kind of rain cus its not trying to drown me and all of you know it  
Aaron: both, always  
Alex: thats fair okay  
Alex: WAIT THE LIBRARY IS COLD AS SHIT IM A SUMMER PERSON  
James: consider PMing  
John L: nooo dont this is adorable  
Aaron: my list of people to fight has two people on it now, this is the longest it has ever been  
John L: i broke lees nose you dont wanna fight me  
Charles L: *says the douchebag, proudly*  
Alex: john quit while youre ahead  
Aaron: pm me jack  
Alex: AGAIN WITH THE JACK THING  
Aaron: bring a blanket if it bothers you so much alexander  
Alex: wait dont you owe me starbucks for not telling on you for TPing the quad  
Aaron: i suppose you do.  
James: whoever ends up cleaning that up is gonna have a terrible time with the rain and all. also i want starbucks too now  
Aaron: (no they wont i used biodegradable toilet paper, dont tell john smith. and fine i will buy you starbucks.)  
Aaron: whats your order alexander  
Alex: ill pm you it i dont need everyone in this chat having that leverage against me  
Aaron: ...okay?  
Aaron: wow you really hate iced coffee then.  
Alex: dont say anything in here about my coffee preferences  
Aaron: i might be a few minutes in arriving  
Alex: why the library anyway  
Sam: hes alive  
Aaron: because youll have to be quiet  
Aaron: oh thats good  
James: oh, my condolences  
Alex: wtf madison  
James: wait  
James: jefferson installed a plugin on my phone that changes the word alive to dead but not the other way around, is this uh  
Sam: he is still among the living  
James: oh thats good  
James: (sorry)  
Sam: (it’s alright im just really relieved)  
James: (ill bet.)  
James: wait so who are we talking about...  
Sam: george  
James: oh which one  
Sam: frederick, the one im dating  
angeliCAW: im here whats up  
Sam: he fell off the clock tower  
angeliCAW: woah what  
angeliCAW: that sucks ass is he gonna be okay?  
Sam: they think so but it depends kinda on him  
angeliCAW: what the hell do you mean by that  
Sam: he isnt doing very well emotionally but maybe its the painkillers?  
angeliCAW: hes a rich white asshole what more could he want from life  
Sam: its more complicated than that  
angeliCAW: okay sure maybe it is but not in the way im talking about. i never said ‘not mentally ill’  
Sam: i have to go bye  
angeliCAW: well then.  
pEGGy: hump DAAAAAAAAAAYYY  
angeliCAW: hey peggers  
pEGGy: nyello  
Eliza: my date with maria is today im nervous and excited because hoo boy she is ethereal and i am helpless,,, i require assistance  
pEGGy: gay  
angeliCAW: you got this  
Eliza: thanks peggy  
Eliza: and angie  
pEGGy: no problem sis  
maria: fear not, lovely eliza, for i am here to provide the required assistance (laughin in a nice way @ yr gay ass btw)  
angeliCAW: i gotta go  
Eliza: SCREAMS  
Eliza: hello how are you on this fair day  
maria: its raining.  
Eliza: o fucc u rite  
Eliza: time to hide under my bed forever  
pEGGy: or you could hide in the bed where its warm and cozy and your problems are less likely to bother you  
Eliza: o fucc u rite  
Eliza: time to hide in my bed forever  
maria: would it help if i said im also nervous  
Eliza: !  
Eliza: why are you nervous, its, just me, the Trash(tm)  
maria: if you are trash ill move into a dumpster cus damn girl ur gr8  
Eliza: o  
Eliza: thank,,  
maria: no problem trash angel  
Eliza: aklsdfjkghhsfj im sc r e a misngg  
maria: :D  
Eliza: :D  
pEGGy: GAY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to recap that cus i know it was long:
> 
> george iii suffered some unknown injuries from a severe fall off the campus clock tower, and sam is really worried about him. once georges family arrives, he wont be able to sit next to his hospital bed anymore :/  
> aaron TPed the quad and got payed 1500 bucks for it  
> alex wrote a shitload of philosophical prose about ikea  
> burr and alex have a fight scheduled in the library  
> burr owes everyone starbucks  
> dat gay shit (eliza n maria)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heres a new chapter  
> contains some emotional manipulation/abuse and heavy stuff in the beginning, but gets more lighthearted a little after  
> also casual mention of a suicide attempt

Sam: his family wont come see him  
Sam: honestly what the hell  
Lafayette: who  
Sam: georgie  
Lafayette: i will assume from context that you do not mean washington. what has happened  
Sam: hes in the hospital he fell  
Lafayette: oh i do hope he recovers  
Sam: off the clock tower  
Lafayette: ah  
Lafayette: how did he manage that  
Sam: i have no idea  
Lafayette: have they estimated his chances of recovery yet  
Sam: nn o  
Sam: he hit some trees, his left shoulder is dislocated and he has severe bruising to his sternum  
Sam: and now that hes awake they wont let me in anymore  
GeorgeIII: stop telling people i fell  
Sam: i  
Sam: sorry  
Lafayette: oh you are awake  
GeorgeIII: i jumped  
Lafayette: oh  
Sam: what am i allowed to tell people  
GeorgeIII: tell them i threw myself off the clock tower as it struck midnight in hopes that everything in my life would like, revert back to its original form so i could see the people around me for the rats they are or something  
Sam: im not going to romanticise your suicide attempt  
GeorgeIII: pm me  
Sam: why are they letting you text  
GeorgeIII: pm me sammy  
Sam: why  
GeorgeIII: i need to talk to you  
Sam: about what  
GeorgeIII: yknow the thing from last night that you completely failed to acknowledge at the time  
Sam: i  
Sam: oh  
Lafayette: this whole conversation feels weirdly blamelike and i find myself uncomfortable  
GeorgeIII: like, stay out of it then  
Sam: im fine  
Sam: sorry georgie  
Sam: i mean  
Sam: fuck  
GeorgeIII: yeah. whatever  
Sam: sorry sir  
GeorgeIII: i said whatever  
Lafayette: ........  
Sam: ...um didnt you want to pm  
GeorgeIII: no point anymore since you arent going to listen anyway  
Sam: no i promise ill listen im here for you  
GeorgeIII: but like only when its convenient right  
Sam: i  
Lafayette: this is gross what are you doing frederick  
GeorgeIII: i said stay out of it  
Sam: im sorry  
Sam: im sorry im srory im sorry im sorry im sorry  
GeorgeIII: whatever  
Lafayette: i cannot do so  
Sam: lafayette its okay hes right  
GeorgeIII: its none of your business  
Lafayette: no he is not! he cannot expect you to sacrifice so much for him  
Lafayette: suicide hotlines exist for a reason  
Sam: but i  
Sam: no  
Sam: im sorry but no thats wrong  
Lafayette: i am not wrkng  
Lafayette: *wrong  
Lafayette: i know im not wrong  
Lafayette: your health is important too  
GeorgeIII: this is getting annoying  
Sam: i know it is  
Sam: george knows that too  
Sam: right  
GeorgeIII: of course it is darling  
Lafayette: george if you want attention this is not the way to get it  
herquailes: whats going on  
GeorgeIII: I  
Sam: george threw himself off the clock tower as it struck midnight to provoke his enemies to expose themselves for the animals they truly are  
GeorgeIII: couldnt have said it better myself  
Sam: oh thank you sir  
herquailes: ok ignoring all the problems with that statement how can you know he did it for attention  
Lafayette: he is not acting like a depressed person who survived a suicide attempt! and i understand that other reasons are still just as indicative of a need for help but calling the problem something it isnt wont fix anything  
GeorgeIII: i didnt do it for attention i did it because my life is shitty and nobody cares about me  
Sam: i care about you  
GeorgeIII: not as much as you should  
Lafayette: ‘nobody cares about me’ implying that you think suicide will solve that, and further implying that it will make them care about you, ie, for attention  
Sam: i  
Sam: im sort  
herquailes: laf what the hell  
Sam: *soryr  
Sam: *sory  
GeorgeIII: just quit trying  
Lafayette: im not saying he has no problems or that he doesnt need help! i am saying that the problem isnt the same thing everyone assumes and that he needs to stop trying to convince us that it is!  
Sam: *sorry  
Sam: ...sorry  
herquailes: you dont even know him  
Lafayette: i know enough herc  
GeorgeIII: you know nothing  
Sam: lafayette please just stop  
GeorgeIII: get your nose out of my situation  
Lafayette: how does nobody else see this!  
herquailes: youre being stubborn laf  
Lafayette: if i am being stubborn it is for the best of causes  
GeorgeIII: how would you know im not depressed  
Lafayette: i dont  
Lafayette: you very well may be  
GeorgeIII: what the fuck are you saying then  
Lafayette: if you are it was not the main reason for your attempted suicide  
GeorgeIII: oh?  
GeorgeIII: and how exactly do you purport to know this  
Lafayette: thats a personal question i wont go into it now  
GeorgeIII: you have nothing to back up your opinion and you still are gonna keep harping on it  
Lafayette: i have seen this happen before and there are some differences but the differences only serve to make it less uncertain of a conclusion than the last time i witnessed this  
herquailes: you should ask maria then shes the one getting a degree in psychology  
Lafayette: i dont need to ask maria to know that mental illness does not excuse abuse  
Sam: it doesnt?  
Sam: i mean  
Sam: this isnt abuse  
Sam: what makes you think its abuse  
Lafayette: samuel he is very transparently manipulating you  
Sam: no he isnt he loves me  
Lafayette: does he do the same things for you that he expects you to do for him  
Sam: i  
GeorgeIII: yes  
Sam: i dont know  
GeorgeIII: i do  
Lafayette: when you are panicking and desperately need to talk to someone does he stay up late to help you  
Sam: well no but idont blame him  
Sam: didnt you say that was unhealthy anyway  
Lafayette: but he expects you to do so for him  
Sam: he didnt ask me to  
GeorgeIII: sammy i already apologised for not being there for you  
Sam: no you didnt  
Sam: when  
GeorgeIII: oh i didnt?  
GeorgeIII: i thought i did  
Sam: well um you didnt  
Sam: i mean i dont think you did  
GeorgeIII: oh i feel horrible  
Sam: its okay!  
Sam: its okay  
GeorgeIII: are you sure??  
Sam: of course im sure  
Lafayette: this is just. this is ridiculous  
Alex: HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS  
herquailes: laf let it go its none of your business  
Sam: what happened  
Alex: OKAY YOU KNOW HOW AARON AND I WERE GONNA FIGHT IN THE LIBRARY  
GeorgeIII: no  
Alex: oh youre alive  
Lafayette: alexander we need to pm  
GeorgeIII: i know  
Alex: hey why did you want the quad TPed anyway  
GeorgeIII: how do you know about that  
herquailes: for the record i disagree with whatever laf is telling you in PMs alex  
Alex: sam told us  
Alex: noted @hercules  
GeorgeIII: i see  
Alex: why did you want it TPed so much  
GeorgeIII: for the hell of it  
Alex: rich people  
Aaron: its good to see youre lucid, george  
GeorgeIII: thanks!~~  
eacker77777: i am fully prepared to fight whoever TPed the quad  
eacker77777: this is a fucking fire hazard  
Aaron: its raining, eacker  
eacker77777: also, i noticed all of you asking which george and none of you seemed to remember that i am also a george  
~~~ PIMPkin-spice has changed their chat moniker to georgiiie ~~~  
georgiiie: are you ever gonna like, change your chat name eacker?  
eacker77777: why would i ever do that  
georgiiie: wow nevermind  
Aaron: why are you so mad about the quad eacker  
eacker77777: im taking photography as an elective and TOILET PAPER is not going to get me a C average  
Aaron: find something else to take pictures of then  
eacker77777: ill take pictures of whoever TPed the quad as soon as i mangle their features  
Aaron: yikes(tm)  
eacker77777: if anyone knows who did it let me know, ill buy you starbucks  
Alex: i  
eacker77777: you?  
Alex: ive already been bribed by the person who did it sorry  
eacker77777: ill buy you starbucks every day for a week  
Alex: then i would have to tell you my order and i dont want to give you that power over me  
eacker77777: ill reimburse you for a weeks worth of starbucks  
Alex: also theres nothing you can possibly do that would outdo what ive already gotten ;)  
Aaron: pm me alex  
eacker77777: why are you PMing him, did i miss something  
Aaron: he is under a mistaken impression that i need to rectify asap  
eacker77777: first of all rectify sounds like rectum  
eacker77777: second? i think it was probably you  
Aaron: wat .-.  
Alex: lmao  
eacker77777: yeah it was definitely you  
eacker77777: what the fuck man  
Aaron: you know what you could photograph eacker instead of the quad i TPed  
eacker: you have one chance to gibve me a better idea  
Aaron: me.  
Aaron: rolling in the $1500 i got from john smith for TPing the quad  
eacker77777: i  
eacker77777: why did  
Aaron: how bout it  
eacker77777: no thats the worst idea  
Aaron: i know i was joking  
Aaron: my actual idea is the one statue in the library basement  
Aaron: you know the one  
eacker77777: oh  
eacker77777: OH  
Aaron: yeah  
eacker77777: OH MY GOD  
Aaron: so are we even  
eacker77777: yeah  
eacker77777: yeah we are

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you liked this chapter! if so i would really appreciate a comment :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for a hard conversation about emotional abuse and manipulation with only a few brief reprieves. This is a sort of intense chapter.

Alex: laf how sure are you about this  
Lafayette: entirely and irrevocably  
Alex: aight  
herquailes: oh my god what is he getting you to do  
~~~ A-dot-Ham temporarily banned PIMPkin-spice from the chat, duration 3 hours, reason “you need to recover and probably sleep one of us can get you the homework if you miss class. hope you get well soon!” ~~~  
Lafayette: thank you  
herquailes: what the fuck  
Lafayette: hercules this is currently my main priority above anything else, that may be the result of a flaw of my personality, but i am determined to get to the bottom of this  
Sam: oh no  
Lafayette: it is alright samuel we will not force you to talk to us  
Alex: laf if youre wrong about this im nevet letting you live it down  
Lafayette: mr fredericks reaction will likely be enough to prove me right  
Sam: um  
Sam: how did you know about his reaction  
Lafayette: is he bothering you?  
Sam: um  
Lafayette: you dont have to answer  
Sam: i  
Lafayette: only if you are comfortable talking about it  
Sam: hes just venting  
Lafayette: ...is he calling you names  
Sam: i  
Sam: he doesnt mean anything by it  
Lafayette: it still hurts though, doesnt it?  
Sam: i, i can handle it  
Lafayette: i am sorry that you have to  
herquailes: ffs  
herquailes: how do you know so much about this situation  
Lafayette: i dont  
Lafayette: i am asking questions to compare it to another instance of this sort, and the answer was yes by coincidence  
Lafayette: is he threatening you  
Sam: no!  
Sam: no he would never do that  
Lafayette: thats good  
Lafayette: i am glad there are no threats involved  
Sam: um  
Sam: yeahh  
Lafayette: ......  
Sam: he is um  
Sam: threatening to  
Sam: hurt himself  
Lafayette: he is in a hospital among medical personnel who will ensure he cannot take those actions  
Lafayette: it is unnacceptable that he is using his own safety as a bargaining chip  
Sam: he is talking about when he leaves the hospital  
Lafayette: ah.  
Lafayette: the best course of action, in my opinion, would be to show these messages to a doctor there  
Sam: nooooo no i cant do that  
Sam: i promised not to tell  
Lafayette: i understand  
Lafayette: but there are times when a promise is not for the best interests of a person  
herquailes: laf you burnt the pasta  
Lafayette: oh  
Sam: im sorry, imsorry you dont have to talk to me about this  
Lafayette: its fine samuel, i made the choice of my own free will  
Lafayette: you didnt take advantage of me in any way  
herquailes: the pasta is on fire now take off your headphones laf  
Lafayette: oh fuck  
Lafayette: ill be right back  
Alex: dont tell him i said this but honestly aaron is really amazing and how am i allowed to exist at the same time as him  
Alex: FUCK HE JUST PULLED HIS PHONE OUT OF HIS POCKET AND THEN LOOKED UP AT ME,, HE KNOWS  
Alex: omf he has notifs turned off for this entire chat except me theo and john im SCREAMING why is he so wonderful and pure  
Lafayette: i am back  
Sam: he isnt hurting me  
Lafayette: do you think that if he doesnt do it on purpose it doesnt count  
Sam: well yes i do  
Lafayette: and if you hurt him?  
Sam: then its  
Sam: then i shouldve been more careful  
Lafayette: samuel  
Lafayette: do you see the contradiction in those two statements  
Sam: no and neither does mulligan right mulligan  
herquailes: theres definitely a contradiction there  
herquailes: but i still think there was a better way to solve this  
Sam: i  
Sam: but hes not, he isnt bad  
Lafayette: he is bad for you  
Sam: no  
Lafayette: i am sorry  
Sam: no he loves me  
Sam: he loves me  
Lafayette: im so sorry  
Sam: and its not like i could find anyone else  
Sam: im a mess  
Lafayette: you deserve better  
Sam: no im not im lucky to have him  
Lafayette: is that what he told you  
Sam: he just wants me to appreciate hwat i have  
Lafayette: no, he just wants you to be insecure and too afraid of him hating you to stand up for yourself  
Sam: no thats not like him at all  
Lafayette: he wanted you to glorify his attempted suicide  
Lafayette: and you said no at first but later you did it anyway and i suspect he pressured you into it  
Sam: i  
Sam: i dont know this is too much  
Lafayette: i understand  
Lafayette: this must be overwhelming  
Sam: im sorry  
Lafayette: its okay  
Lafayette: we can talk about something else if you like  
Sam: please  
Lafayette: of course  
Alex: we should talk about how i want to ask burr to go out with me this friday at 7 PM to watch ouija origin of evil but i cant cus my anxiety is kicking my ass  
Lafayette: ...  
Alex: ok what about the yokai watch movie  
Alex: damn im all out of ideas  
pEGGy: stay home and watch the bee movie  
Alex: YESSS  
Aaron: no  
Aaron: alexander im not looking at you until you stop pouting at me  
Alex: why not  
Aaron: im affected an unhealthy amount by my perception of your emotional state  
Alex: oh? >:3c  
Aaron: and i am only comfortable telling you that because you would hate yourself if you used it against me  
Alex: oh  
Alex: okay ive stopped  
Sam: ...  
Alex: WHAT SEABURY DOES MY GAY OFFEND YOU  
Sam: i  
Lafayette: tone it down some alex  
Sam: nevermind its nothing  
Sam: just um  
Alex: just?????????????????  
Sam: you guys,  
Alex: hmmmMM??????  
Sam: you  
Sam: i dont know  
Sam: i cant put it into words  
Aaron: are you about to call us cute  
Sam: maybe  
Sam: i dont know  
Sam: thats not it exactly  
Sam: you just  
Sam: respect each other  
Sam: both of you  
Alex: well of course we do  
Alex: theres no point otherwise  
Lafayette: i can keep mr frederick away from you if need be samuel  
Sam: no no im sure hell understand  
Lafayette: if he reacts explosively please ask for help  
Sam: i dont know  
Lafayette: i am proud of you  
Sam: what  
Lafayette: for acknowledging this so quickly  
Lafayette: its surprising, i expected it to take far longer  
Sam: wooo why am i crying time to jump in the trash compactor  
Lafayette: stay safe  
Sam: i  
Sam: thank you  
Sam: you too  
Lafayette: of course

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked this chapter. Please comment if so. I've been struggling with _something_ , it might be depression, it might be anxiety, it's definitely some sort of General Brain Problem, so i dont have the spoons to write anything but this fic right now unfortunately. im long overdue on updates for my other fics.
> 
> Again, please comment if you enjoyed this chapter. Everyone please stay safe. There will be a lot of lesbian next chapter, so get excited for that.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning in this chapter for more of the same.

Eliza: oml im so gay  
maria: :3 :3  
Eliza: why do you get to be so pretty and clever and smooth  
maria: probably the same reason as you do  
Eliza: AHSGFHDHAHAFJFJFK  
maria: are you blushing  
Eliza: MAybe??????  
maria: mission accomplished  
Eliza: THATS GAY  
maria: we are gay  
James: take it to PMs guys  
maria: PSA Eliza is soft and pure and so amazing that ill manually capitalise her name whenever i type it from now on  
Eliza: oh my gosh stop it im gonna die of flusteredness,  
maria: n youll look cute doin it 2  
Eliza: i fEEL ATTACKED,,  
maria: :P  
Eliza: nerd  
maria: *poses* damn rite  
Eliza: i literally love bein gay like imagine if i wasnt gay  
maria: :o  
Eliza: i would have 100% less roses with me rn to bring to u on our date  
maria: :O  
maria: you  
maria: oh my god  
maria: thats so sweet what the fuck  
maria: im :O :D rn just !!!  
Eliza: :D  
maria: fcuk im so fuccin gay  
Eliza: at least you arent alone  
maria: :D u r so !!  
maria: ur just  
maria: so thoughtful and kind and sweet  
Eliza: ahhhHhhhhhHHHHHHH  
Eliza: thank,  
maria: i mean it  
maria: youre marvelous  
Eliza: ,,,,no u  
maria: both then  
Eliza: okay compromise  
Sam: why is everyone here so nice to each other  
Eliza: its easier and makes us happy  
maria: cus fucc off  
maria: wait ur serious  
maria: lemme take that back,,  
maria: sorry  
Sam: i  
maria: what Eliza said  
maria: also we care abt each other n wanna b happy w each other  
Sam: that sounds nice  
Eliza: its really gay  
maria: ye rly rly gay  
maria: gayer than the rainbow  
Eliza: gayer than alex  
Alex: EXCUSE ME WHAT  
Eliza: :D lmao  
maria: pff  
Alex: IM GAYER THAN EVERYONE HERE FUCK OFF  
Aaron: what if i said i was gayest  
Alex: oh shit thats compelling  
Alex: yeah no i changed my mind aarons the gayest  
maria: thats so fucking gay  
Theo: @alex and aaron are you two dating now  
Alex: um  
Aaron: ///maybe///  
Alex: right now we are just spending time together cus idk i like how he smiles  
Aaron: also hes helping me study why  
John L: RONNY AND ALEX SITTIN IN A TREE  
Alex: im afraid of heights so no  
Alex: ...wait  
Alex: ronny?????  
Aaron: pm me laurens  
Theo: o shit  
Theo: somebodys in trouble  
Alex: can i call you ronny  
Aaron: only if youre looking for a platonic relationship  
Alex: oh  
Aaron: in other words Please Dont  
Alex: alright i wont  
Alex: aarbear  
Theo: oh boy  
Aaron: shut the fuck up  
Alex: aaristotle  
Theo: snrk  
Aaron: wow fuck off  
Alex: burrcrates  
Aaron: as if  
Aaron: how about... aarachne  
Alex: NO  
Aaron: what shes cool though  
Alex: of course you would think the hubris spider of death was cool  
Aaron: fine, you think of something better  
Alex: umm, aartemis?  
Aaron: no shes a virgin  
Alex: i  
John L: woahhhh  
Alex: MOVING ON  
Theo: im telling aunt karen  
Aaron: if you do that ill tell dave about the time you spilled nachos in the backseat of his bmw and instead of cleaning it up you had the dog come into the car and eat them and then took a selfie from the drivers seat while the dog blepped with nacho cheese all in its fur  
Theo: NEVERMIND  
Aaron: thought so  
Alex: klaus burrdelaire  
Theo: i shouldnt have even sent you that picture  
Aaron: hm  
Aaron: i suppose it mostly checks out, although nobody else will get it  
Alex: why does anyone else have to understand my sappy nickname for you  
Aaron: i just assumed you would make that a priority  
Alex: ok true  
Alex: troy burrton  
Aaron: .......gabriella hamontez  
pEGGy: im sharpeggy  
Alex: no we are not doing this i changed my mind  
Alex: burrcules  
herquailes: hello how about no  
Alex: oh yeah lmao  
Alex: aarchimedes  
Aaron: eureka indeed  
Theo: thats a terrible mental image  
Aaron: i would never jump out of a bathtub and streak through the town just because of math. aarchimedes doesnt work  
Alex: the saint louis aarch  
Aaron: youre afraid of heights  
Alex: what  
Aaron: you can go up in the arch  
Alex: really? sounds like a panic attack waiting to happen  
Aaron: i am geometrically perfect though, just like the arch  
Alex: ew geometry  
Alex: brendon burrie  
pEGGy: i write sins not trageDEEZ NUTS  
Aaron: why are we talking about this  
Alex: john called you ronny  
Aaron: oh yeah  
John L: ehe  
Aaron: you arent funny jackrabbit  
John L: wow fuck you  
Aaron: :)  
Alex: i  
Alex: pff  
Eliza: maria and me are making homemade ice cream rn and shes so pretty im fuckin screaming  
pEGGy: gay  
Eliza: thanks peggy  
pEGGy: np  
maria: ive never had homemade ice cream is it good  
Alex: no its terrible  
maria: oh  
Eliza: excuse you  
Eliza: homemade ice cream is delicious af  
Sam: i think its good  
Alex: are you kidding me its just this gross slush of dairy  
Eliza: anyways  
maria: how long do we have to shake this bag for  
Alex: Too Long  
Eliza: um like 7 more minutes?  
maria: ok phew  
James: do you guys know dolley payne  
maria: no  
Eliza: i know of her?  
James: shes pretty  
maria: ...okay?  
James: im thinkin of it because she works at that one ice cream place across from the bookstore  
Eliza: does she know you like her  
James: haha no  
Aaron: i know her  
James: you do??  
Aaron: yeah i can introduce you if you want  
James: oh  
James: do you even think she’d be interested  
Aaron: i wouldnt have offered if i didnt think you had a chance  
James: cool  
TJ: whos dolley payne  
James: oh my god thomas she is so pretty and good with people you wouldnt fucking believe it  
TJ: ah  
TJ: cool  
James: this one time i was standing in line and the guy in front of me was really pissed about something to do with sprinkles  
James: and he started out yelling but by the end of his sentence he was speaking in a normal tone of voice like  
James: “and you see I’d really appreciate it if I could get some extra sprinkles on this?”  
James: and im completely convinced its just because she makes you feel like shes listening you know?  
TJ: no  
TJ: i have no idea  
James: well she does and its great  
maria: hamilton  
Alex: hm?  
maria: youre wrong homemade ice cream is delicious  
Eliza: ha  
TJ: hamilton is wrong about everything as we all already know  
~~~ The temporary ban on PIMPkin-spice has expired ~~~  
Alex: WOULD YOU LIKE TO FIGHT  
georgiiie: im alive still in case anyone was wondering  
georgiiie: also like i appreciate the thought behind the tempban but  
Alex: hi  
georgiiie: really dont do that again that was shitty  
georgiiie: kay?  
Lafayette: mm  
Lafayette: of course  
georgiiie: awesome!  
georgiiie: is sammy on  
Lafayette: i am quite unsure  
Lafayette: it is possible that he is meditating  
Lafayette: of certain things  
Lafayette: that are reasons why he should not be in this chat  
Lafayette: at this current moment  
georgiiie: meditating is stupid  
georgiiie: sammyyyyyyyyyyyyy  
Lafayette: ...ne réponds pas  
georgiiie: what  
georgiiie: what does that mean what the hell  
Lafayette: it means he is not responding  
georgiiie: goddamn google translate  
Lafayette: oh what does google translate believe  
georgiiie: “do not answer”  
Lafayette: ha, quite silly  
georgiiie: yeah um  
georgiiie: real silly  
georgiiie: >:T  
TJ: ....  
TJ: anyway  
Sam: “lafayette is out to get me” really george?? really?  
Lafayette: for the sake of fuck, samuel  
georgiiie: um  
georgiiie: okay i knew there was something else going on  
georgiiie: like, theres always some sort of hidden motive  
georgiiie: with everyone  
Sam: i  
Lafayette: maybe it is not the people in your life revealing themselves to be rats, it is them realising that you are a rat  
georgiiie: excuse me  
Lafayette: i only say what i feel  
Lafayette: there is no law against this  
TJ: why are you suddenly less fluent in english  
Lafayette: ah  
Lafayette: alexander, help me  
Lafayette: anxiety is  
Alex: kicking your ass?  
Lafayette: correct  
Lafayette: thank you  
Alex: np  
georgiiie: u.u  
Lafayette: samuel are you well  
Sam: im fine im fine  
maria: ...did i miss something  
herquailes: george jumped off the clock tower  
maria: oh  
Eliza: woah really  
Eliza: are you okay  
georgiiie: fine thank you  
Lafayette: samuel do you feel safe  
georgiiie: of course he doesnt not with you pressuring him like this  
Sam: nnnnot really  
Lafayette: alexander, will you do a ban again  
georgiiie: youre gonna regret this  
~~~ A-dot-Ham banned PIMPkin-spice from the chat, reason “.” ~~~  
Sam: mmmfuck  
Lafayette: it is okay samuel  
maria: sips some tea  
Sam: why did you do that  
Lafayette: what he is doing cannot be accepted  
Sam: hes just gonna be pissed  
Lafayette: do you want to tell the campus police of his actions  
Sam: hes rich no way  
Lafayette: oh  
Eliza: my dad is rich too  
Sam: we are talking frederick louis prince of wales level rich  
Eliza: oh yeah dammit  
Eliza: goddamn royal fuckin exchange student  
maria: hire a samurai  
Eliza: maria that is a dead meme  
maria: its my favorite meme  
Eliza: oh...  
maria: you can pry it from my cold dead hands  
Eliza: no thank you  
Sam: ill just... avoid him  
Alex: im wearing thigh highs to darchs office hours and nobody can stop me  
Aaron: ....you own thigh highs  
Alex: yeah im thinking ill wear my fox ones  
Aaron: ah  
TJ: lmao  
Alex: what  
Aaron: nothing  
Alex: are you judging me  
Aaron: no  
Aaron: not even close  
Alex: okay???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter! If I post anything tomorrow, yell at me to do my homework :)


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

Aaron: ....alex are you there  
Aaron: ...  
Aaron: ok  
Aaron: who here knew about his thigh highs  
Lafayette: i knew  
John L: me  
TJ: unfortunately i also knew  
Eliza: i mean i dated him in high school sooo  
Aaron: ah.   
John L: why do you ask  
maria: what  
Aaron: just out of curiosity  
John L: :3 :3c >;3c curiosity???  
Aaron: im not having this conversation  
John L: he also has this pair that’s emerald green with the slytherin house crest on them in silver  
maria: you dated hamilton in high school?  
Eliza: no those ones ripped  
John L: oh did he cry  
Eliza: yeah  
Eliza: no wait the ‘yeah’ was @maria  
Eliza: he looked like he was going to @john  
maria: for how long and should i be jealous  
Eliza: 3 months sophomore year, and no  
John L: does he still have that shimmery pair  
Lafayette: i think so  
Eliza: remember he used to use rubber bands to keep them up cus he was too lazy to figure out a better way  
John L: he still does it that way  
Eliza: what really  
Eliza: lmao  
Aaron: i  
Theo: whats going on in here that aarons blushing so hard about  
John L: oh hey theo  
Lafayette: we are telling aaron about alexs thigh highs  
Aaron: theo why do you expose me like this  
Theo: ahhh thatd do it  
Aaron: theo   
Aaron: under normal circumstances i wouldnt ever consider this  
Theo: whaaa  
Aaron: but i will tickle you  
Theo: fuckin do it im not ticklish  
Theo: but thanks now i dont feel bad at all about what im about to do :)  
Aaron: theo if you truly love me  
Theo: alexander hamilton  
Aaron: wh  
Aaron: what was that supposed to do  
Alex: what  
Theo: I KNEW IT  
Alex: um  
Alex: do you actually need anything or were you just fucking around   
Alex: because i can and will turn off the chime for my full name  
Aaron: she was just fucking around  
Theo: thigh highs  
Theo: he likes your legs  
Aaron: thanks theo :)  
Theo: :) no problem :) cousin :)  
Alex: wait are you saying youve never seen me wear thigh highs before  
John L: i cant believe the passive aggressive smiley face runs in the family  
TJ: even ive seen you in thigh highs  
Alex: jefferson i try not to think about that  
TJ: me too but to bother burr its worth it  
Aaron: never  
Alex: /nothing/ is worh that  
Alex: wow thats wild  
Alex: are you sure? i wore them on the second day of classes  
Aaron: i was sick that day  
James: yeah i got sick from you that was Rude  
Alex: oh  
Alex: ill wear some tomorrow then if you want  
TJ: james do you have it set to notify you whenever someone mentions sickness  
Aaron: no its okay you dont have to  
Alex: i like them though it really wouldnt be any harder than just jeans  
maria: wait so  
James: i have to stay well informed if im ever going to be healthy often enough to pass my classes i gotta know who to avoid  
maria: what do you wear them with  
Alex: what do you mean  
maria: do you just wear like nike shorts and thigh highs cus  
Alex: no lmao i dont even own athletic shorts  
maria: okay thats a relief  
Eliza: wait maria you were there on the second day why didnt you know until now  
Alex: why do you ask  
maria: i was 2 busy noticing u, 4 the 2nd day in a row  
Eliza: o  
maria: i was wondering if you ever wore skirts  
pEGGy: skirts suck  
Eliza: skirts are glorious  
Alex: skirts are aight  
pEGGy: do you want all mine then alex  
Alex: i  
Alex: do you think they would fit  
pEGGy: idk maybe  
Eliza: why do you even have skirts if you hate them  
pEGGy: the Relatives(tm) insist  
Theo: aaron say something :)  
Aaron: i  
Alex: are you okay  
Aaron: im going to die  
John L: lmao  
Alex: what  
Alex: should i call 911 whats wrong  
Aaron: no  
Theo: :)  
Aaron: nevermind  
Alex: are you sure  
Aaron: yes  
Aaron: also @theo  
Theo: yes?  
Aaron: why do you do this to me  
Theo: its funny  
Aaron: no its not  
Aaron: please stop  
Theo: o ok  
Aaron: thank you  
Alex: um  
Alex: do you want me to forget about all that  
Aaron: please  
Alex: okay  
Alex: alriiiight so whos gay??????????????????  
maria: me  
Eliza: me!  
pEGGy: not me  
TJ: i guess  
Theo: eh  
James: stop moping thomas  
TJ: im not moping!  
James: you just used an exclamation point youre definitely moping  
pEGGy: eye emoji @ thomas  
TJ: oh my god leave me alone  
James: do you want to PM  
TJ: no  
Alex: .... anyway  
TJ: fuck off hamilton  
Alex: wow what did i ever do to you  
TJ: is that even a question you have to ask  
James: thomas.  
TJ: ugh  
TJ: whatever  
TJ: whatever.  
Eliza: so im gay  
maria: we know dear  
Eliza: ye but it bears repeating  
Eliza: *i say, as though im not blushing cus you called me dear,,*  
maria: i am also gay, then  
Eliza: :D  
maria: do you want to go get real ice cream sometime  
Eliza: :O sure!  
maria: cool  
Eliza: :D :D :D  
maria: :)  
angeliCAW: gay  
Eliza: there you are angie whereve you been  
angeliCAW: nowhere  
Eliza: ...lies  
pEGGy: you were with that church guy werent you  
TJ: a church guy? angie im appalled  
angeliCAW: dont call me angie  
angeliCAW: no i wasnt with church  
angeliCAW: i found a kitten  
Eliza: !! woh  
TJ: name it thomas  
angeliCAW: thomas the tank engine  
TJ: nevermind dont name it thomas i changed my mind  
angeliCAW: no i actually think thats a good name for a cat  
Eliza: areyou gonna keep it  
angeliCAW: i cant, unfortunately  
TJ: unfur-tuna-tely  
maria: end it @jefferson  
James: OwO what’s this?  
Eliza: whos church btw  
angeliCAW: Nobody  
Eliza: orly?? :3  
TJ: dont do thsi to me madison  
angeliCAW: im not ready to commit to anything so yeah. Nobody. is that a problem  
Eliza: o  
TJ: you come into my house and treat me this way  
Eliza: no ill leave it alone  
James: insert a pun about you being in the doghouse  
TJ: goodBYe  
angeliCAW: sorry about being so touchy  
Eliza: no its fine  
Eliza: you have a right to your secrets just like i have a right to mine :3  
angeliCAW: have i ever mentioned how great you are eliza  
Eliza: yes, but i appreciate you saying so  
angeliCAW: well you are.  
maria: 2nded  
Eliza: thank,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm actually sketching out a map for the made up college they go to cus im Trash lmao
> 
> If you liked this chapter, please don't hesitate to comment!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> haha yeah its been three months since i updated sorry

James: does anyone have advice on what to do about this literal assload of crickets that someone just released into the library  
TJ: callthe police  
Alex: why would anyone release cricjets in the library  
eacker77777: say hypothetically that someone needed a photo of something in the library basement but only authorised personnel are allowed in  
Alex: holy fuck  
eacker77777: further assume that said person needed a distraction  
Alex: you didnt  
Aaron: oh my god  
eacker77777: there you have it folks  
Alex: WOW  
Aaron: i could have snuck you down there if youd just ASKED  
Alex: chaotic neutral  
eacker77777: this way is more fun  
eacker77777: wait how  
Aaron: im an intern there  
Aaron: and now im gonna have to clean up these crickets  
eacker77777: you brought this upon yourself  
Aaron: thanks thats extremely comforting in this, my hour of extreme distress, when im already buried up to the neck in useless paperwork and now, to quote mr madison, a "literal assload of crickets"  
Alex: if i help you then we might have time to go out after  
angeliCAW: thomas just ate a bug what do i do  
James: you did WHAT thomas  
Aaron: its fine alexander ill just suffer alone  
TJ: what no i didnt  
angeliCAW: the KITTEN ate a bug  
Alex: ok phew cus after i offered i realised i highkey dont wanna touch bugs  
TJ: aw you named the little monster after me after all thats so sweet  
angeliCAW: dont  
Aaron: i figured, alexander  
TJ: yknow come to think of it  
angeliCAW: i named it after thomas the tank engine not you  
Alex: oh thanks aaron thats actually really sweet  
TJ: james left a vacancy in my best friend slot angie  
Aaron: just being a good friend  
angeliCAW: dont call me angie  
Aaron: i mean  
Aaron: you lnow what i mean  
TJ: sorry, 'gelica  
angeliCAW: fuck you  
Alex: i dunno, do i?  
TJ: so what do you say  
angeliCAW: this feels like a booty call  
Aaron: pretend i didnt say anything that could be interpreted as """friendzoning""" you  
TJ: would it be a problem if it was  
angeliCAW: its a problem as is, jefferson  
James: thomas i think the answer is nya (no)  
TJ: fuck you james  
Alex: why the quotes around friendzone  
James: we arent even dating yet :3  
TJ: i  
TJ: r u 4 real james  
James: um  
Aaron: because the entire idea of the friendzone is kinda ridiculous cus if you like someone as a person you should be glaf to be friends with them  
Aaron: *glad  
James: actually no im just shitposting sorry  
TJ: my god  
TJ: fuck you fifty times sideways james, this is so rude  
Alex: ah.  
Aaron: what  
James: are you  
TJ: im actually upset  
angeliCAW: does anyone know someone who wants a kitten tho i cant afford this  
Sam: georgie talked multiple times about getting one  
TJ: im gonna go  
Lafayette: please dont take this the wrong way samuel but i would not trust george frederick with the safety of a small and vulnerable animal  
Sam: i think it could help him  
Sam: to take care of something that actually does depend on him 100% for everything  
herquailes: that actually doesnt soud like a bad idea, no offense  
Sam: maybe hed realise  
Sam: that  
Lafayette: i would not count on it  
Sam: that what he did was  
Aaron: dont be a debbie doomer, lafayette  
Lafayette: are you teasing me  
Aaron: perhaps  
Lafayette: you are the worst, burr  
Sam: i dunno maybe your right lafayette  
Lafayette: actually  
Lafayette: i rescind my protestations  
Sam: im sorry what  
Lafayette: sorry i dont remember a simpler term for rescind  
Alex: take back  
Lafayette: yes that is it thank you alexander  
Sam: um  
Sam: but why  
Lafayette: you should learn to trust your own assessments  
Sam: what if im wrong  
Lafayette: what is the first thing that could possibly happen  
Sam: what  
Lafayette: sorry, worst  
Sam: oh  
Sam: the kitten dies?  
Lafayette: would that happen  
Sam: i mean  
Sam: someone could ... watch him and make sure he takes care of it  
Sam: but i dont want to do that  
herquailes: i wanna spy on him  
Sam: what  
Lafayette: what  
Lafayette: why would you want to do that  
herquailes: could be fun  
Lafayette: ...  
angeliCAW: great. and plus hes rich so he can afford a kitten  
Sam: um  
angeliCAW: do you think hed pay me money for it  
Sam: uh... maybe??  
angeliCAW: hahaha YES george frederick is gonna pay for my college textbooks  
Aaron: we should start a george frederick payed for my textbooks club  
angeliCAW: im sorry what  
Aaron: it was a joke  
angeliCAW: whatever.  
angeliCAW: omg he just messaged me saying “I hear you’re selling a kitten. How much?”  
angeliCAW: what do i say and who told him  
Lafayette: tell him its too much for him to afford and then tell us his reaction  
angeliCAW: ok lmao  
angeliCAW: OMG YALL GET A LOAD OF THIS  
angeliCAW: “I’ve heard that often. However, I must admit, I wouldn’t expect to hear it from you, Miss Schuyler” what is his angle  
Sam: hes  
Sam: calling you um  
angeliCAW: ...oh.  
Sam: easy  
Sam: yeah. he does that  
angeliCAW: well hmm how much are my textbooks this year im gonna tell him three times that  
Sam: a lot.  
Alex: does what  
Sam: the extension of an insult into innuendo thing  
angeliCAW: alex whats $1,213.50 times 3  
Alex: what i have no clue  
Sam: a little under 4000  
angeliCAW: cool  
Lafayette: what is he saying to respond  
angeliCAW: he says “I hadn’t anticipated inflation on the US dollar being quite so drastic. Interesting. It appears that your currency is just as worthless as your culture.”  
Alex: pff lmao why is he talking like that who does that  
angeliCAW: i know right  
Sam: its what he does when hes trying to be intimidating  
Alex: wow like thats gonna work on anyone  
Sam: yeah hahaha  
Alex: seabury are you telling me that actually scared you  
Sam: fuck off im scared of Nothing  
Alex: man he was really shitty to you wasnt he  
Sam: no need to rub it in  
Alex: sorry. for real, sorry that it happened and that im too awkward to say this in a way thats not offensive and annoying.  
Sam: its fine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you liked it!! if anyone has any requests for something youd like to see, feel free to let me know!! Comments are always appreciated.
> 
> also you should check out [this thing](https://clickclick4.tumblr.com/post/158457095451/its-a-parody-of-hey-there-delilah-lyrics-dear) i made, its a parody of hey there delilah but with lyrics from dear theodosia, which worked surprisingly well.
> 
> or [this shitpost](https://clickclick4.tumblr.com/post/156778991096/wait-for-it-there-it-is)


	13. Chapter 13

ABurr: you wanna meet dolley today  
James: oh sure  
ABurr: okay do you want advice or do you just wanna go for it  
James: advice please  
ABurr: so youre gonna meet her outside of work because making a move while shes at work is a dick move  
James: yeah  
ABurr: and if this doesnt work out then do your best to act the same way when you see her at work or make sure to go at times you know she wont be there if you know her schedule  
ABurr: (making someone feel unsafe is also a dick move)  
James: okay  
ABurr: ...youre really nervous arent you  
James: a little  
ABurr: if it helps, i really do think shell like you  
James: okay

\---

TJ: james  
TJ: jaaaaaames  
TJ: jaaaaaaa aaaa aa a aaaa aa aaaaa am e sss ssssss ss ss ssss ss s ssss  
TJ: jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaames  
James: hello thomas  
TJ: hello so where are you  
James: busy  
TJ: what thats not even an answer  
James: im meeting dolley paine  
TJ: oh.  
James: what.  
TJ: nothing  
James: liar  
TJ: nothing.  
James: liar.  
TJ: Nothing.  
James: l i a r .  
TJ: I t. I s. N o t h i n g.   
James: do you not trust me  
TJ: what  
James: are you okay like  
James: do you need me to come back is something happening  
TJ: no  
TJ: no im fine its just  
James: are you sure  
TJ: me being stupid  
TJ: yes im sure  
James: ...  
James: okay  
James: let me know if you change your mind  
TJ: have fun on your date  
James: im here for you man  
James: its not a date i dont even know her yet  
TJ: same difference  
James: um, not really.  
TJ: close enough  
TJ: have fun  
James: its completely different  
TJ: good luck  
James: honestly like  
TJ: bye  
James: oh  
James: bye

\---

TJ: fuck!!!!  
Hamsterdam: what  
TJ: kill me  
TJ: slay me  
TJ: end me  
Hamsterdam: why is my username in this chat hamsterdam  
TJ: murder me  
Alex: here this is better  
TJ: because youre a nerd  
Alex: whats your point  
TJ: my point is end my fucking suffering  
Alex: i like it when you suffer though  
Alex: its gratifying  
TJ: WOW sadist much????  
Alex: no!! its not like i like it when everyone suffers  
TJ: oh im ~~~special~~~ am i?  
Alex: ugh  
Alex: stop  
TJ: kill me and i will  
Alex: im not going to murder you  
TJ: capitalism sucks  
Alex: youre just saying that to get to me  
TJ: no im not  
TJ: it sucks ASS  
TJ: it causes the deaths of millions of people each year  
Alex: okay but its not like you care any more than i do  
TJ: prison work is slave labour  
Alex: you dont actually care  
TJ: so what  
Alex: you benefit from capitalism too shithead  
TJ: that doesnt mean its not fucked up  
Alex: you dont care about the arguments youre making  
Alex: you know its fucked up but youre fine with it cus it benefits you thats how we all are  
Alex: stop pretending to be enlightened youre not  
Alex: youre just copying arguments made by other people and using them for your own ends without caring about a word you say. thats fucked up  
TJ: not as fucked as capitalism  
Alex: its not like youre gonna do anything about it though  
TJ: just get mad at me for fucks sake  
Alex: no  
TJ: why not  
Alex: spite  
TJ: fuck you  
Alex: ew no thanks  
TJ: ughhhhh  
TJ: fine ill bother burr then

\---

TJ: hey asshole  
Burr: this is about Madison isnt it  
TJ: what no why would you think that  
Burr: you are the second most transparent person i know  
TJ: fuck you  
Burr: what do you want me to say to you  
TJ: i dunno  
TJ: tell me im a terrible friend for wanting this to go badly for him  
Burr: youre a terrible friend for wanting this to go badly for him  
Burr: is that what you wanted  
TJ: youre just saying that because i asked you to  
Burr: whatever jefferson  
TJ: wait  
Burr: what  
TJ: what do i even do i hate this  
Burr: i have no advice for you  
TJ: whatever  
TJ: thanks

\---

TJ: hey im suffering  
Lafayette: thomas!  
Lafayette: how are you?  
Lafayette: other than the suffering, that is  
TJ: there is nothing other than the suffering  
Lafayette: wow okay  
TJ: sorry  
Lafayette: its okay  
TJ: imma go  
Lafayette: oh  
Lafayette: alright  
Lafayette: goodbye  
TJ: peace out

\---

TJ: hey mom what do i do when i like someone  
Mom: tell her  
TJ: ...thanks.   
Mom: glad i could help! XD  
TJ: stop trying to use emojis mom  
Mom: why? i think theyre charming :P  
TJ: ...bye.  
Mom: #rude  
TJ: oh god  
TJ: dont  
Mom: #just #try #and #stop #me  
TJ: mom thats not even how hashtags work  
Mom: #whatever #mr #smarty #pants   
TJ: bye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and here we see the bois being morally reprehensible in their support of capitalism, among other things
> 
> okay you guys are at a crossroads here. im thinking i can keep writing this the same way i have been, or i can stop trying to keep track of the plot. if i gave up on plot, updates would probably come faster, because plot is most of the work for this.
> 
> leave a vote in the comments! your opinion will count for more if you explain your reasoning :)
> 
> as always, thanks for reading, and dont forget to leave a comment!


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here nyall go!!

~~~ Global Moderator George William Frederick The Third joined the chat. ~~~  
Lafayette: oh god  
Mod: No, I'm not quite God-level. Yet.   
Sam: hi george  
Lafayette: did you know he was going to do this  
Sam: no!  
Sam: hey george  
Mod: Hello, Sammy.  
Lafayette: mon deiu   
Sam: hows the kitten  
Mod: i  
Mod: The kitten is well. That's beside the point.   
Sam: howd you get to be a global mod  
Mod: They were accepting applications.   
Sam: do you ever get tired of how you can't stand to not be the most powerful person in the room  
Mod: What kind of question is that?  
Mod: More like I get tired of everyone deciding they hate me if I'm not.   
Sam: george  
Sam: id say thats pathetic or that i pity you like everyone does in TV shows but  
Sam: really im not feeling much of anything right now  
Sam: you made me so happy  
Mod: I know! I know, of course I did. Why the fuck did you want that to end?  
Sam: but i realize now you also made me feel like i was less than you. and im not. and thatwasnt okay.   
Mod: oh  
Mod: Well, it isn't my fault that you feel that way.   
Sam: youre the only constant in all your relationships, sir  
Sam: fuck  
Sam: ignore the sir  
Mod: Ha.   
Mod: So are you saying that I must be the one doing something wrong, since everything I try goes wrong?  
Sam: i  
Sam: that sounded a lot like logic and im kinda  
Lafayette: sam you probably shouldnt be the one confronting him  
Sam: what  
Mod: Excuse you.   
Lafayette: the phrase is actually "excuse me," and sam, it isnt your responsibility to talk him down from the edge  
Lafayette: perhaps that was a poor choice of words  
Sam: i know but  
Mod: No, I'm fairly certain I meant to say what I said.  
Sam: i dont want to ruin things for everyone else  
Sam: hes a mod now  
Lafayette: sam do you really think we would blame you for his actions  
Lafayette: really it isnt your job  
Lafayette: you dont owe us your emotional stability  
Sam: hahaha what emotional stability  
Mod: No, I'll go.   
Mod: I can see when I'm not wanted.   
Sam: what  
Sam: wait no no no  
~~~ Global Moderator George William Frederick The Third left the chat. ~~~  
Sam: SHIT  
Alex: woahhh what the fuck just happened  
TJ: holy shit what'd i miss  
Lafayette: george is a moderator now  
Lafayette: ...were you two together?  
Alex: no  
TJ: nunya  
Lafayette: ...whats nunya  
TJ: NUNYA BUSINESS  
Alex: goddammit thomas  
Lafayette: what  
Lafayette: you called him thomas?  
Alex: whoops  
Lafayette: and i still dont understand the nunya thing  
TJ: nevermind  
Lafayette: okay  
Alex: wait whats this about washington being a mod  
Lafayette: george frederick  
Alex: i  
Alex: what  
Lafayette: hes a global moderator now  
Alex: wow hahaha time to move this chat someplace else what the fuck  
Sam: isnt that a little hasty  
Alex: are you kidding!  
Alex: he could do anything okay  
Alex: he could ban us all, or change the logs in his favour, even unban his original account  
Lafayette: what other chat service is there that would allow us to choose our names this way  
TJ: theres this one RP site i know  
TJ: you can choose a color, acronym, and username for each chat you're in  
TJ: we would have to all make an account though  
Alex: wait  
Alex: an rp site???  
TJ: um yeah  
Alex: this wouldnt happen to be a FURRY site would it  
TJ: no oh my god  
TJ: its called msparp and its for homestuck  
Alex: oh my god  
Alex: youre a homestuck  
TJ: no!  
TJ: well  
TJ: maybe a little bit  
Alex: holy fyck  
Lafayette: what is a homestuck  
TJ: but im not one of THOSE homestucks  
Alex: laf nooo  
TJ: let me tell you about homestuck  
Alex: oh god  
Lafayette: okay?  
TJ: JOHN EGBERT, ROSE LALONDE, ASCEND, DESCEND, RISE UP, ABSCOND  
Alex: im gonna ban you  
TJ: no no im stopping  
Aaron: wait  
Aaron: jefferson you like homestuck?  
TJ: no  
TJ: maybe  
Aaron: whos your patron troll  
TJ: i  
Alex: oh my fucking god  
TJ: wait  
TJ: youre into homestuck?  
Aaron: i just finished rereading the other day actually  
TJ: holy fucking shit?? marry me?  
Aaron: no  
TJ: duh i know obviously it was a JOKE  
TJ: hey did you know i was born on 4/13  
Alex: guys  
Aaron: no i didnt  
Aaron: thats actually kinda cool  
Alex: GUYS  
TJ: what do you ship  
Aaron: oh, davekat and rosemary, of course  
TJ: of course  
TJ: what about eridan  
Aaron: i relate to him.  
TJ: ha  
TJ: of course YOU would  
Aaron: whats that supposed to mean  
TJ: hes surly and antisocial but craves attention  
Alex: OH MY GOD STOP TALKING ABOUT HOMESTUCK  
Aaron: youre projecting, jefferson  
TJ: okay yeah ill go make the new chat  
Aaron: make it unlisted  
TJ: duh  
TJ: wait youre on parp too??  
Aaron: who isnt  
TJ: a lot of people, actually  
TJ: whats your sitewide number  
Aaron: 1836  
TJ: HA mines 230, i got a lower number than you  
Aaron: whatever, jefferson  
TJ: okay it's made  
TJ: http://msparp.com/jefferson-is-the-hottest-person-here  
Alex: no  
Aaron: im not clicking that link  
TJ: you know its true  
Aaron: here. http://msparp.com/darchhealth  
TJ: aw fuck you  
Alex: lets use burrs  
TJ: whatever  
James: hey guess what  
TJ: chickenbutt  
TJ: also we're moving chats so make an accout here http://msparp.com  
James: what why  
Alex: george frederick bribed his way into an appwide moderator position  
James: wow holy crap  
Aaron: howd it go  
James: it went okay  
Aaron: just okay??  
James: i dunno im not actually all that interested anymore  
TJ: orly  
James: i was kinda infatuated with a fake idea of her its embarrassing looking back already i dont wanna talk about it  
TJ: so what was the guess what about then  
James: oh did you know this college actually has a course in basket weaving  
TJ: wild  
James: yeah  
TJ: w o w  
James: what  
TJ: nothing im just still reeling ahahahaha  
James: oh whats up  
TJ: hmm, nothing.  
James: thomas  
TJ: what  
James: that was punctuation its obviously not nothing  
TJ: its Nothing  
James: whatever  
Alex: .....anyways.   
John L: im gay yall  
Alex: who  
John L: francis  
Alex: n ice  
Angelica: francis kinloch?  
John L: ye  
Angelica: he likes u  
John L: w h A T SERIOUSLY??  
Alex: omg  
Angelica: ya peggy can back me up  
John L: om g  
peggy: whats up  
Angelica: whos francis k like  
peggy: john duh  
John L: ho nly  
John L: SHI MT  
peggy: why  
Angelica: john likes him too  
peggy: well duh  
peggy: i thought everyone knew that?  
John L: im  
John L: im gonna ask him out brb  
Alex: 'hey fucko wanna date'  
Alex: do it like that  
John L: i would n ever  
John L: hed c o m b u s t  
Angelica: just text him out of nowhere all like 'ur cute' and conpliment his turtlew  
John L: hE HAS A TURTLE?????  
John L: hopy shit im in love,,,  
Angelica: *turtles  
John L: H E HAS T W O TURTLES??!?!!?'!?  
Angelica: three  
peggy: htree  
peggy: three  
John L: homly fuck,,, whatre theyre names  
Angelica: idk man  
peggy: ask him that  
John L: fuck,, fuck i cant do this  
Alex: ill do it  
John L: nO youll call him a fucko  
Alex: so  
Alex: done  
~~~ Alex sent a photo ~~~  
John L: 'hey fucko wanna date john' im gonna fucking slap u wtf  
Alex: he blocked me fUck  
John L: oh god hes texting me now  
John L: he sent me. that SAME screenshot. but from his end. all like 'what is this'  
Alex: shit  
Alex: i regret everything  
Alex: fuck  
Alex: john  
Alex: john are you there  
Alex: im sorry,,  
John L: ok ok its  
John L: i think its fine now  
Alex: howd u respond  
John L: 'im,,, gay. and thats my friend alex hes a shit sorry about him'  
peggy: dont forget to ask what his turtles names are  
Alex: excuse u i think u mean Best Friend  
John L: closest and best arent rhe same thing so Shut,,  
Alex: oh my god they literally are  
Aaron: they arent  
Alex: aw fuck cmon man  
John L: hA  
~~~ Global Moderator George William Frederick The Third joined the chat. ~~~  
Mod: moderating sux fuck this  
~~~ Global Moderator George William Frederick The Third left the chat. ~~~  
Alex: oh  
John L: the fuck was that  
Alex: well i guess thats that problem solved  
Alex: he bribed his way into a mod position  
Alex: now im assuming he didnt like the work?  
John L: damn  
Alex: yeah tell me about it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dont forget to leave a comment if you liked this!!!!


End file.
